Day 28 without my son.
Today I spent a few hours trying to sort out my son’s finances, cancelling cards, etc. To me it felt like I was cancelling him. Like he never existed. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me ?
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That’s just normal letty its the cruelest thing ever .life goes on all around you .and your lost and have to try cope with thus im so sorry your hurting so vad take one day at a time .your son is with you always in your heart pocket xxx
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Letty, I am so very, very sorry that your beloved child died. I can not imagine the pain you are feeling, but am grieving the death of my husband, so some things I do understand.
Yes, every time, I let go of something that was my husband’s it feels as if I am erasing him from ever being here. It is a horrible feeling.
I still can not fully wrap my head around my husband’s death or that I will never see him in this life again and it has been 32 weeks. It is hard to cancel or give away because we have to face the fact that they will never use it again.
I am so sorry. No one should have to lose a child.
Love
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I understand how you feel. My son died at the end of November last year and we’ve had most of his possessions piled up in our dining room for months. It is very hard to part with them. My husband dealt with all the paperwork and cancelling insurances and cards etc, so at least I didn’t have that to contend with. However I 've recently started bagging up my son’s clothes and shoes and that has been very upsetting. I 've decided to keep a few items and give the rest to a local homeless peoples charity. One thing which I am going to do is to photograph any items that are going, as a permanent visual reminder. Perhaps if you decide to part with your son’s clothes, you might find it helpful to take some pictures too.
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Whydidhedie I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to part with any of his things. Both my husband and I are in agreement that we are going to bring all his things back home to his room in our family home and keep them there. We never changed his room when he went to uni and he always stayed there when he came home. So it will stay as it is with all his things there. It would destroy me to give away his things.
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You have to do what works for you. My son moved into his own flat in 2022 so he had begun to accumulate more possessions, including furniture, which we can’t really keep. However clothes are a different matter, being so personal. We had a lovely holiday in Cornwall with my son at Easter 2024, so I shall be keeping the clothes I remember him wearing then.
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Hi letty four years on and sams bedroom just how it was left his clothes hanging in the wardrobe trainers round the room aftersgave on the side i will keep it for always xx
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And that’s how I will leave Adam’s room Zoe. Just as it was when he was still at home with us. It’s somewhere I go to sit quietly with him.
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I feel the same way
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I have all my daughter’s things. I still pay her mobile phone contract, I haven’t closed any of her accounts. Her chocolate milk is still in the fridge, her coat by the door, her make up in the bathroom.
To me she is still coming home, I cannot accept anything else… not yet.
I do what I have to and if that is living in denial then I am happy to do so.
Do what’s right for you, be kind to yourself, don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right or just because someone says you have to, normal rules don’t apply anymore.
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No they dont one day at a time .just do you our children live in our heart pockets. Its just awful .some days the waves are so high and other day a little calmer .yheres mo rules sorry for this pain xx
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Hi All, reading these posts have given me some comfort……I too still pay phone contract and haven’t touched clothes etc. It’s 10 months since losing my only child. My son meant the world to me and I think that I still processing trauma of losing him unexpectedly.
Forever27 and forever held in my very being 
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I kept items of my partner - his worn favourite trainers, favourite coat And dressing gown I’ve not changed the pillow case on his side of the bed yet. These little things give me comfort. Every time I pass the coat stand I give his coat a sniff - that’s my little thing at the moment.
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I don’t think we ever recover from the trauma of losing a child. I think I spent the first year in a manic state, I constantly paced, I couldn’t/wouldn’t think she was gone.
I’m in my second year and the grief is different but it is still every bit as painful. I still struggle to accept my situation, the only way I get through is by shutting down, trying to block out the reality of my life and it is exhausting! Grief occupies so much of my world I have no time or energy for anything else.
Maybe this will change but I’m ok to hold onto it because it’s all I have of her now.
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I get that completely .but our heads cant cope with the constant trauma i lost sam in 2021 .do i think of him any less no he is my constant thought the pain gets less .but my moments are night times i dont sleep good i have a chat with him and the tears come .but the sick pain is less the dread when you wake is it real has gone and i know his not coming through the door …but i have to believe his in a happy place to good for this world and when im watching tv i hope his hand is in mine .our children are in our heart pockets always .he was my superhero i have to believe his around .we all get little signs .sending you all big hugs and a peaceful night 
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@MoBe - I am exactly the same - trainers in hallway / makeup in batroom / handbags everywhere / her room is untouched …still suc a mess, her stuff just as she left it. havent even unpacked her (and our) luggage from abroad - where it happened. counsellor said its because i havent accepted it - too right i havent! i never will… the word accept sounds like agreeing in a weird way… and i don’t! still pay her mobile so i can message her. 9 months today, i love and miss my darling girl so much, lots of love x
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Sams room is how he left it four years ago xx
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We are frozen in time, I totally understand you haven’t unpacked, it’s just too painful,
the actual physical pain is terrifying. Why would we want to confront that and how can we accept it?
I don’t think counsellors, or anyone, has the slightest idea of how totally devastating child loss is.
You don’t simply lose a loved one, you lose everything you were and everything they were meant to be.
I am nothing now, she was my life, my world, all the joy in my life was wrapped up in her. How can I live the rest of my life knowing I will never see her again? Denial is self preservation.
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I have just seen an interview with Julian Clary talking about how he dealt with the grief when he lost his partner in 1990s. He refused to have counselling, did not talk about it in any groups, and if he started thinking negatively, he made himself think of something more positive. In other words he didn’t allow himself to grieve or even acknowledge his partner’s death. He said it worked for him so maybe it might work for us…
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I’m willing to try
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