Cannot Cope - Loss After Argument

I found Sue Ryder when googling on how to cope. My mum passed suddenly, no illness and unexpected. We had fallen out and were just resolving our differences with plans to meet up two months after she died in June. Due to my work, I’m living overseas in a remote part of the World for a couple of years. I flew back to the UK for the funeral and then back to work, 8000 miles away.

I can’t cope. My eyes well up without reason, if someone asks how I am, I can’t control the onset of eyes filling, I suddenly experience extreme waves of grief in private that are all-consuming and impossible to stop. I have two children in their 30s but cannot burden them with my grief. They don’t ask how I am, possibly because they think mum and I had fallen out so I’m not grieving or possibly because I’ve not shown any extreme emotion and they think I’m taking it in my stride.

I’m two months post-passing of mum and it’s pouring out and worsening every day. That’s a lot of words about me, me, me but writing this has stopped this evening’s flow. Thank you for reading my words, I would benefit hearing from those who have lost their parent in similar circumstances. I wish I could hug her, tell her I’ve always loved her and feel her hug me back. There those eyes go again, never behaving when I want them to.


Sorry to hear about your mum and how you’re struggling. Although you had your disagreements, it sounds like you had planned to meet up? To me, that suggests she’d have known you wanted to find a resolution.
Guilt is a huge part of grief, you only have to read some of the posts and you’ll see most people are overwhelmed by it. We spend our lives beating ourselves up and treating ourselves as if we were the enemy. We need to show far more compassion to ourselves.
Have you considered seeing a counsellor to talk this through? You may find it helps x

I am so sorry for your loss. The fact that you planned to meet up says it all.Your mum knew it had been resolved bet you both so don’t beat yourself up about it. Mum’s forgive everything and anything so rest assured your mum passed knowing you were both at peace with whatever happened.
You must talk to your children.Ooen up to them. Just say you are struggling and see what they say. Make a memory table about your mum Put a photo there some flowers and maybe a candle.Or create something in your garden. Hug her photo and talk to her photo.I do with my mum That’s all I can do now but it certainly helps me feel close to her
Look for signs that maybe your mum is near.Feathers are my special signs and lights that flicker or go on and off for no reason. Cry until you can’t cry any more.Heal in any way you can and take one step at a time.
Your mum would have been so proud of you.
She will also know now the state you are in and will be even prouder for admitting all what you have.
Thinking of you and keep posting. You are not alone on here
Deborah x