Im new here and if im honest not really sure if this will help but at this point i dont know what else to do or where to turn. So my dad passed away on 2nd of november and in my eyes his death could have been avoided i truly believe that but i know its not good to get stuck on what ifs and thats not actually what i cant come to terms with its the way he died the pain he was in and not being heard by health professionals, my dad spent his last week on this earth in unimaginable pain screaming day and night and taking alot of his anger out on me for not giving him more of the morphine etc, his last 3 days he lost all function of his legs and had to be dragged across the floor on bedsheets to the bathroom i told carers had GPS in daily and no one help, his legs were horrendous never in my life seen anything like it so cant get over how it wasnt taken serious, finally on 1st November he was taken to hospital and i was phoned only hours later to say he was dying, his main artery of his body was blocked all his organs had stopped working but yet the gp earlier that day said they didnt think was time to send him to hospital doesnt make sense in my head. Im just so angry now i dont want to show emotion infront of my kids so i hold it all in just really really steuggling now
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are struggling following the devastating time you have been through caring for your dad. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Hi @Lm1308 so sorry for your devastating loss. I think writing down your thoughts does help with the grieving process. You obviously had a very brutal experience that has affected you, it’s a trauma. Although it’s agonising to go over the details, perhaps you might be able to speak with your Dad’s GP about what happened and get some answers…? In time the horror of your Dad’s final days will fade and then you’ll be able to focus on happier memories. Give yourself space to process it all first though. Best wishes xx
I’m so sorry for your loss and having to have gone through watching your Dad in pain. I’m not surprised you’re traumatised by the experience. Do you think grief counselling might help? If so, speak to your GP to get this organised as it really sounds like you need someone to listen to you and help you make sense of all you and your Dad went through in that final week. It might ease the anger you’re feeling, and understandably too.
Thank you so much for the replies i really appreciate it. I think maybe counselling could be an option im just a very closed person and for some reason i cant show my emotions infront of anyone I will hold it in and hide it until im alone ive always been like that but struggled so much past few weeks to hold it in and ive even cried infront of my children and that makes them upset which i hate as they are going through this too so i feel like me crying and them seeing me hurts them. I keep telling myself to get a grip and be strong and im really trying and for most part i think im doing okay but what im realising is its okay not to be okay sometimes x
You’re so right, it is ok not to be ok. You shouldn’t have to hold this in as you’re grieving and what you’re experiencing is totally understandable. Speaking to someone, like a counsellor, might be the answer as they’re not emotionally connected to you, on a personal level. I had counselling about 5 years ago, when I was dealing with a really difficult situation, and I can’t you how much it helped me make sense of everything. I blubbed for the whole of the first session and week by week I got less teary and then got so much from it. Are you children little or older and understand your grieving?
My children are 13, 10 and 9, they were so close to my dad. I loved how much my dad loved them it melted my heart they were his everything my first born was born same day as my dad and ive never seen anyone as proud as he was that day lol
Awww, they’re still pretty young. Do you have any adult friends/family you’re able to vent to, if you’re not wanting to show too much to your children? Maybe that might ease the anger a bit. How special is that with your eldest sharing a birthday? That’s lovely
