Can't cope with sons death 4 years on

It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do I can’t get over finding my 18 year old son passed away at his house. I’ve gained ovet a stone since he died. I’ve tried working, throwing myself into college, food, and nothing helps. I’m depressed and still feel to blame as I knew something wasn’t right that day but didn’t go round. Trying to keep busy is hard…all i want to do is hide away in my room and cry. I’m so bloody sick of putting on a brave face for everyone so they feel better and dont feel like they have to pretend they care how I feel. I just constantly feel like crap. Like I’m always on the brink of breaking down. I’m just so sick of it all and sick of faking the ability to cope to make others feel comfortable.

Hi Juelz,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that your son passed away at such a young age, and how you have been struggling.

It is sad to read that you feel you have to fake being ok for the sake of the people around you. Bottling up emotions and not being able to talk about your loss can make grief last longer or be even harder to deal with.

I’m glad that you’ve found this site, and I hope it helps even a tiny bit to be able to share your feelings here. Have you had any other sort of bereavement support since losing your son - such as counselling or a support group? Many of our users do find it helpful to be able to talk to people in similar situations.

The Compassionate Friends is an organisation that supports people who have lost a child - they offer online support, a telephone helpline (0345 123 2304), online support and local support groups.


I’m sorry and saddened to here about your son it is unimaginable to loose a child let alone find them yourself!
I can empathize with your difficultly of being able to cope after a four long years that probably still feel like yesterday to you.
I lost my husband almost three years ago after being with him for 35years from the age of 16. I realize it’s not a child. But he was my life. From my experience people have no idea what we are really feeling inside. Unless they have encountered a great lose themselves.
I’m sure you are probably are the same as I, find it hard to accept and get quite bitter that people’s life just carrys on when yours feels as if its over.
I found this site yesterday after a very difficult day of not knowing how to cope with my despair, anger, feeling of guilt I could not care for him better. Why did this happen to us! We were supposed to grow old together. I want this ground dog day to be over, I am sick of waking up to same fillings day after day. Why am I still here what is my purpose?
Believe it or not it made me a tiny bit better knowing I am not the only one out there that feels alone, and helpless in grief.
Although I am alone, and have not found away to grow my life around my grief I was able to a small amount of comfort.
The only thing I can say to you is you do need to give yourself time and space to be alone to cry. If you cry in front of people don’t be ashamed you are not responsible for their feelings they are, and it may even help them understand how you are really feeling.
There is no time scale to grieving sadly!!! Everyone is different. But sadly a lot of us are very broken, and we may never mend. We always seem to wake up to a new day whether it is good all bad. I try to believe this if I tell myself everyday it is a good day, one day I may educate my brain into thinking eventually it is a good day. That is my hope!
Julez please keep reading and posting, and I really hope you will eventually find some comfort. Take the positive side of your despair you were able post, and talk about your feeling.
Very best wishes Julie

I also found my son passed away at home in his bed, my only child, this was only Dec 2016 so very early days. it is the worse pain ever imaginable, our lives have changed forever, nothing stays the same. I grieve for the future daughter in law & future grandchildren I will now never have. Im scared stiff about my husband dying & i will have no one, I barely have any family. All i can say is that you shouldn’t put on a brave face, you are the important one, tell everyone how you are feeling. Maybe they think you are doing ok? I really have no answers of how we survive this especially as we feel we don’t even want to try, all i know is how miserable life is now. Hugs

Im so sorry you have to go through this. Losing a child is the worst loss there is, it hurts a little less every day and we just have to wake up and get through another day. We have to celebrate the life they had rather than mourn the life they will never have. Its hard and I’m not saying it isn’t but it does get that little easier to cope with as time goes by… the anniversary of my sons death is coming up fast and it’s the day before my youngests 17th birthday so I’m feeling abit frazile