I’m new to this type of thing so please bear with me. I will keep it as brief as I can. Basically, I lost my mother to breast cancer 8 years ago this coming October. She was only 54.
I don’t think I can fully put into words the enormity of this loss. Although I have other family, I only ever truly got on with my mother and her side of the family (who have also all passed away). As a result of her death, I found myself lost, nothing seemed real, it all happened so quickly. One minute she was there, the next gone. Consequently, I started to drift in my own life. I had terrible mood swings, I became seriously ill with stress and eventually even lost my house.
Thankfully, with the assistance of my partner, I was able to stop drinking. Infact, I haven’t drank alcohol since my mothers death. I had drank quite excessively to that point.
The actual reason I’m posting this today is because I still can’t get to grips with my mothers death. No matter what I do, the memories of her last few days always hit me when I least expect it. It’s still hard to look back and think of the good times as the bad memories still seem so raw.
I was also her full time carer and found her face down on her bedroom floor unconscious the day before her death. I still don’t know how that happened and have found myself blaming myself for not being there at the time.
Thankfully, I’ve now got my own life somewhat back on the rails. But the memories of this loss still loom large over me. I’ve even tried seeking counselling for this and also anger management therapy through my doctor as mood swings are still apparent. But doctor will only offer medication and I’m reluctant to take that.
Apologies for going on a bit, but I felt I needed to say this as sometimes I have difficulty in expressing my thoughts on the subject.