I cant look forward to life without my youngest son who passed away 2 and half weeks ago suddenly. Dont want to think of life without him, its too painful to imagine.
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One thing I’ve been told by other bereaved parents is not to look to far ahead.
It’s too painful
Just one day at a time is all we can do .
xx
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I used to always be planning ahead, now its just what do I need to do this week, making sure I have food being delivered - at week 5 im not up to even thinking about going into a shop. Our children were our futures, and suddenly our futures have been changed and we had no choice in the matter. I know these weeks, months, years wont be easy. I managed to get through my other sons 18th , that was so hard I didnt sleep the night before, and just about functioned that day as as I also felt guilty that he didnt have the 18th he deserved. keep talking to us.
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Thank you Taff xx nice to see peoples comments and thoughts. Well done my lovely.
Having arguments with husband as he gone back to work and not talking.
Says im making it about me but he doesnt talk.
Dont really want to be with him anymore, want to be on my own
I think losing a child tests most marriages .
You are both grieving but differently .
There is no right or wrong way .
Think if the marriage was strong before you will hopefully survive this together .
Men and women grieve differently too . Men like a distraction so going to work will give him that .
It’s only a temporary distraction though. Grief cannot be avoided . Bottling things up is not good .
I can’t remember if I’ve asked you but are there any support groups near you ? The compassionate friends run them throughout the uk . They like you to be at least 3 months bereaved but it’s something to think about .
xx
Thanks for support Tilly. Wasnt strong beforehand to be honest and i jave adjusted to living on my own for two years.
Compassionate friends have been in response to my email but nearest is kettering and im not sure i want to go down the group route.
I have had one session of counselling and can talk to her when i need. X
That’s good that you have someone to talk to .
You can consider a group later . They are there is you need them but I get they are not for everyone .
Personally I’ve found them a great help and I’ve never been one for groups .
I’m not very sociable and prefer my own company but I have found talking to others who truly understand helps.
Keep talking on here anyway . We are always listening .
xx
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Thanks, i too love my own company and am mucvh happier alone. I have friends who i see but love being at home on my own with my dogs.
Thanks for talking xx
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Dogs are just the best therapy
xx
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Hello Tilly, I lost my daughter to a drugs overdose about 18 months ago. It is the inquest later this week. I think it’s true to say that anyone who loses their child to drugs, or disease or an accident is suffering from trauma and shock. My family collapsed and some family members behaved appallingly. That, on top of grief is enough to break even the strongest person. At first I wanted to die myself and was so broken that I imagined everyone would be glad to see me dead. That’s how trauma and shock lies to you. I’ve got this far with the help of a good counsellor and Compassionate Friends. There’s not really any way to fix the pain but somehow over time it’s possible to learn to live with it. Since she died the first thing that helped a bit was to take it hour by hour and day by day. Slowly, slowly I noticed that there were a few minutes in the day when I was able to think of something else. Literally minutes at first. I think guilt is a huge part of losing a child. We often feel guilty for things we aren’t in control of. I feel like I let my daughter down every day. All the mums and dads on here probably feel the same. At first I even felt guilty for those moments when I wasn’t thinking of her and that very thing showed I was a useless mum. All of us on here are struggling to accept what we can’t change. I doubt any of us are the same people we were before this utterly overwhelming loss. Over time tho we can learn to manage on an everyday level. That’s a start. It all takes a very long time and it’s a lifetime journey. The hardest thing is often to show ourselves some kindness. Some people will never understand and it’s a waste of our very limited energy to try. We are all living through a tragedy that doesn’t stop when others move on. Most people can’t or won’t understand. I’m still very angry and broken but even tho they aren’t here they are still our children and we still love them. They are still in our hearts. One of the things that helped me was when someone on here said ‘we keep them in our hearts pocket’. The early days are nothing short of hell but time and caring for ourselves as best we can is all we can do. Get through thru the next hour is all we can do. This place is a lifeline to people who are experiencing it too. We’re not mad we are grieving and it’s bloody hard. Reaching out to others on here and elsewhere is a brave and helpful thing to do. Sometimes it’s the only way to get through the day. I send you love xxxxx
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