Cant process it

Hi, i lost my husband of 36 yesrs 7 weeks ago. He went to work and never came home. He had a heart attack at work he was only 55.
I am.struggling to come to tearms with it. I cant stop crying and i sometimes wish it had been me instead of him as i bare the pain.
Its my wedding anniversary nezt week and i dont know how i am going to cope with it. I am so lost without him.

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Yes I remember that was just like it here today gone tomorrow 18 months ago now. I still find that I can’t concentrate without my mind wandering back to it. I didn’t expect I would feel any different really realistically because I lost a baby many many years ago and so the agony is awful but every person who died had been different eg my mother and father, grand parents, pets, relations and friends. When you get older they seem to go thick and fast. I stopped going to funerals for a bit then decided I would go again because you don’t see people you want to see who go otherwise.

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Caz226
So sorry for your sudden loss of your husband. I am 7 months along and know those feelings . I’ve had more reflective time than you and I think I have survivors guilt/grief. I wish it had been me to.
Everything I do I think I shouldn’t be the one living on . I had difficulty with eating , why should I be the one able to eat etc etc the list is endless. He was 58yrs old .
It was our Ruby wedding anniversary this Month. I went and bought a love spoon and had it engraved he would have loved that, we have a few of them . The lady in the shop said that’s a nice gift for someone . I said yes it’s for me and my husband but he’s no longer here with me and I cried.

I decided I want this spoon to go with me in my casket, as it will be the ending of our marriage when it is my time. I have kept his ashes hate that word so we can be mixed together . He knew this as it was something we were able to discuss.
I’m sending you courage and my thoughts x

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So sorry for your loss and hope you are managing to look after yourself.
I also lost my husband aged 56, 11 weeks ago. Married for 31 years.
I try to just take one day at a time - some are easier, some not so good, many really hideous.
I try think that I feel so bad due to our love being so great and that makes me feel a bit better.
Do whatever you need to do to get through this awful time - it’s a real rollercoaster of a ride - and we can’t get off yet.
Post here if it helps - we all know how you feel so you are not alone.

Sending hugs and strength xx

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I try to imagine what it would have been like if my husband had died 20years before he did in his 50s instead of his 70s. And grateful he lived to 76 and three quarters. Some people said he lived to a decent age but wish he had had longer of course like some have 20;years longer but know it wasn’t possible since he had no treatment holistically in pandemic so it was no surprise his conditions had worsened.

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