I’m new to this site only registering yesterday. I lost my wife June on 28th August after a year long battle with esophagael cancer. When diagnosed we were told that June had 2 years but this horrible disease took hold and cut that short by half. I have two lovely daughters both married and two fabulous son in laws who have supported me up till now but Im trying to start to put things in place to go back to work on 19th September. My oldest daughter has a grandson that is 18 months old who June absolutely adored and I promised June that I would never let him forget his nanny.
I’m an emotional wreck at the moment and struggling to come to terms with my loss and can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. June was my rock for 33 years of our marriage and I miss her so much.
Hi davecat87 I know exactly how you feel I lost my partner of 25years on 11th may this year suddenly and I can’t come to terms with it yet I miss Robert so much he was my world I can recommend going back to work it does take things of your mind for a while I went back to work recently after being off work for 14weeks I’m not saying June won’t be on your mind because she will Robert is on mine from morning to night I also recommend counciling it does help believe me you can get out all your emotions to someone out with your family circle hopefully in time we will see light at the end of the tunnel but not for a long time yet just take things day by day I’m here any time you want to talk I hope this has helped you take care
Hi Janey
Many thanks for your message, sorry to hear of your sudden loss of your husband. Coming to terms with our loss after so many years together is certainly difficult and we are both going through he same cycle of feelings I’m sure. Info hope going back to work wil take my mind off my grieving a little and my work have been excellent through this year long period and they have allowed me to tailor my role to suit myself. I’m going back to work after only 5 weeks so my heart goes out to you that you returned after 14 weeks. I’ve contacted Cruse tonget counciling but they have a waiting list of 6 weeks and Sue Ryder said they would contact me in about 6 weeks also but I feel I need support now which is why Injoined this online community and must say it has helped even in the couple of days I’ve been on to just speak online to people. I do hope we both find things easing daily that we learn to live without out loved ones but of course they will never be forgotten.
Dave
Hi dave I totally agree our lives have changed for the worst what I find very difficult is trying to adjust to my life on my own without Robert but it will take time for both of us to get used to our new life’s I hope all goes okay when you go back to work on Monday I certainley think it does keep your mind of the grieving for a short while anyway you take care I here anytime you need a chat Janey
Hi Janey
Hope you are well and today has been one of those better days for you.
To let you know today went well at work made it my place to go round all departments and speak to colleagues to speak to me I know it’s hard for them to but I’m the same Dave just need time to adjust. Wasn’t so good when I got home I’m afraid to that lonely empty house and having to make my tea and had a good old emotion breakdown for 10 minutes speaking to June’s photo.
You take care Janey
Hi dave I’m glad your first day back at work went well I know how you feel it’s going back into that empty house it hits you like a ton of bricks it’s horrible it’s been 4and a half months now since Robert has died and I still get that horrible feeling when I come in from work your heart just sinks I was out all day yesterday and when I came home that horrible feeling hits you it will take time I suppose dave I don’t know how long but hopefully in time it will heal a bit for both of us it’s just adjusting to being on my own I can’t seem to take it in I also talk to Robert when I’m at home I also light a candle every night for him just in case he is up there looking down I don’t know why I do it but it helps me somehow take care of yourself dave I’m here anytime you need to speak to someone
Janey
Thanks for your reply.
Bless you that after 4 and half months it is still a little difficult for you my heart does go out to you. Mine and June’s best friends have said to me that if it gets unbearable for me to go back in the house on my own they will come in with me until I can adjust, I haven’t taken them up on the offer at present as I don’t like to put anybody out.
That is such a lovely touch lighting the candle and if it helps you then continue it for Robert and for yourself, no one knows if our loved ones are looking down on us but again whether it be as you lighting a candle or me talking to my favourite photo of June if it helps us cope and ease our pain a little then it can’t hurt and we both know we are doing these things To remember our loved ones as that’s what they would do if the situation wasn’t he other way round.
Take care Janey and keep being strong and trying to adapt your life as you are doing and I’m trying to. I know from me that the short time I’ve been on here the messages from people are helping me.
Hi Dave, I to recently lost my dear wife Maureen. To say it leaves a hole in your life is to me an understatement. After 30 years of marrange the last 10 years caring for her following a stroke & lots of other illnesses that she battled with.
I am now devastated! I try to busy myself with things to do, not always easy when you retired & trying to get over cancer.
Unlike you I have no family close, & it’s not always possible to get them on the phone.
And as we enjoyed each others company, we never made any real friends.
Although all our neighbours have been very kind. It’s not the same as having someone who really knows you.
As you can imagine loneliness is a major problem for me at present. Not having my dear Maureen here to talk to.Everything that we have done & shared is gone.
I just fell so utterly useless & empty!.
Aw heck I didn’t mean to post that rant.The last thing that I want to do is upset anyone. But the need to tell someone just seemed to take over.
Sorry
Hi Dave and Janey . My wife TINA died 4 weeks ago after being in hospital for 4 weeks. I took her in on our 28th wedding anniversary because she had bad stomach pains. I was only expecting antibiotics. She was diagnosed with life threatening bloods clots and cancer . She never come home . I have the same feelings as you both. We were never apart except whilst I was at work. I miss her so much and am crying as I type. She was my life. I don’t know how I can carry on
Hi Dave and Janey,
I lost my husband of 32 years in June to cancer and the numbness you feel is unexplainable. I felt like a walking zombie just going through the motions. I kept busy as we have a 13 and 21 year old. I finally went back to work in September and it helps but people are tiptoeing around the subject so no one really asks ‘How are you’. It’s the nights that are worse and coming home from work and not having him waiting at the door asking how my day was is the hardest. It’s the hand holding, kiss goodnight and the closeness that I REALLY miss. Hugs aren’t the same with friends and family but they are very supportive.
I don’t feel sad for me but for him having his life cut short and him not able to see grandchildren, weddings and putting up with me in old age. That’s what really makes me sad.
Vanguard
Sorry for your loss of your wife.
I know exactly how you feel about leaving a hole in your life. June and myself had 33 years of happy marriage and she passed away in August after a year long battle with cancer.
I’m like you am devastated and can’t see a purposes in life. I just go from day to day in a daydream and it is difficult to multi task at work but saying that they are brilliant and allowing me to guide them in workload and commitments.
I must admit it is a distraction but going home at night is absolutely horrible to an empty house with June not there to talk to about each other’s days.
With you on everything that we had plans for have all gone and never going to happen which for me the future makes me feel so sad that June will it share these with me and the family.
You don’t have to apologise for any rants, if it helps to express and get it out in the open and off your chest, there are lots of us unfortunately in the same situation and we are all on this site to try and help each other if we can.
Dave
Nigel
That’s so sad about your loss of your wife Tina after such a short time, I guess you weren’t aware of the clots or cancer as you say you were expecting antibiotics and on your anniversary as well. I don’t exactly know how you feel in this respect but my own scenario is similar that June was diagnosed with cancer and given 2 years, but in the end we only had 11 months, and the last few weeks were to be honest not good although she had no pain thankfully.
We too as you and Tina were never apart unless I was abroad on business trip but that was only for maximum of a week.
I do miss June so much and still think it’s a dream and she will walk through the door. June was my life as well and always knew what to say or do and what I was thinking. I do speak to June every day in. morning and at evenings as though she is still with me as we chatted before. It makes me very upset but somehow it is a comfort and seems to be the right thing for me.
Keep strong Nigel I’m not going to say at present it gets better as June passed away 6 weeks ago yesterday and it is still very raw but we can go by what other people say and see others that have got over there loss, my motto if they can I can.
Always here for a chat if you wish
Dave
Patfradut
I’m so much with you in your loss as we are within one year of the time we had together with our loved ones.
Nice you have a family to support and to talk to, it is important and I have two lovely daughters 29 and 27 and they are both married and our little grandson of 20 months.
I too went back to work in Septemebr and I must admit have found it easy to go back. If it helps I actually made a point of going to see all departments and people at work and told them that I’m still Dave but obviously just very much different at the moment but still speak to me as there manager and must say it’s worked. I do have a traffic light system in my office just to foreworn them of my feelings on that day.
Oh and you are so right with the hand holding, kissing and closeness that I miss so much from June and it’s not the same from family or friends is it ?
I feel for you with the future points, luckily for us we saw both our daughters get married and I’m sure June hung on as our youngest got married in June and just after that June became really ill and went downhill fast. I’m as you struggling with my future of the plans we had for retirement and places we wanted to go and yes put up with me in old age.
I can really relay Patfradut to your situation and I’m always here for a chat if you wish
Keep strong we’ll get through this and be stronger but never forgetting our loved ones.
Dave
Hi Dave,
Thanks for the reply, yes the evenings are the worst time for me.
I find it hard to watch TV without Maureen sitting next to me. I suppose I am lucky living near the coast, I can go for a wakl , or get the bus into town. But like you say its hard coming back into an empty house. I still find myself calling I’m home love.
Oh how I miss her, I would give anything just to hold her again. But I guess that’s what we have to do, try and carry on as best can.
One thing that I wish the do gooders would stop saying is “that it takes a long time” for the heartache to subside a bit. That’s the last thing I want to hear at this time. As for the heartache I would never have belived that loosing someone could hurt so much.
Life has no meaning anymore. I wish I could be with her again…
Thanks Dave . This site helps . I only took Tina to hospital because it was a Sunday and I thought she had food poisoning . Then our world was turned upside down. But it seems that we all have similar feelings of dispair. I hope that you get comfort from.everyones replies to your posting. I replied because I felt the pain that you and Janey and others are also suffering. As others are doing i am talking to tinas pictures and hugging her dressing gown and pillow in bed. I guess I feel the same as you all, fine one minute that total despair the next. The phrase time will heel doesn’t help yet. All the best though to everyone that reads this site . It seems to me that the feelings i have are mirrored in someway small way by everyone that has suffered loss of a close partner. Sorry a bit rambling on
Vanguard
That’s all I tend to do watch TV and now I can have the remote control all to myself I don’t know what to do with it and just want June back so she can have control over it again.
I’m with you I can’t see any light for the future. I must admit I don’t take much attention to people telling me that time will heal as I can’t see it at the moment. I agree I don’t have a purpose of life at present but I do have a lot to live for but can I take the heartache, I’ve no idea but June would want me to for our daughters and our adorable grandson.
Boy are you so right how much it hurts.
I bet you had some lovely walks by the seaside so maybe try and cherish those memories, thinking of our memories and time together does help me a little.
Dave
Nigel
Many thanks for your reply, it does help me to chat with strangers on this site but somehow you are so connected to all on here as you know exactly all their thoughts and pains.
My hearts with you as that must have been so painful getting that news, I know exactly how I felt when we were told the news I was expecting June to have some sort of acid reflux or an ulcer but never in a million years Esophagael Cancer.
I too have a pillow in bed and one of June’s Bears that she loved on her pillow.
When I’m told time will heal I just dispell it as I can’t see me ever getting over this and I don’t see a purpose in life for the future, but I do have a lot to live for our girls and our adorable grandson and I’ve promised June that I’ll make sure he never forgets and Inwill make sure he always remembers his nanny.
Your not rambling at all
Always here for a chat
Dave
Hi Nigel I’ve just seen your post I’m so sorry for your loss life can be so cruel sometimes it’s nearly six months since my Robert died suddenly and as you said the pain is so immense words can’t describe I’m not going to say time is a healer because the pain I had is still there I don’t like my life without Robert every day is a struggle we didn’t have any kids but I have good family support and have some fantastic friends we just need to learn to live with it it’s early days for just now just try and keep yourself as busy as possible to fill your day I’m now back to work so my mind is more occupied but Robert will always be on my mind and in my heart you take care of yourself and I’m here anytime you need a chat x
Thanks Janey . From yours and Dave postings it seem my feeling are the same as those you are experiencing. I tried for bereavement conselling from cruse but there’s at least 10 weeks before they have a slot. I spoke to my gp last night and his comments were unbelievable. He said it’s me. Thinking from.my heart and not my head. He prescribed sleeping tablets and anti aniexty pills but he did say he would try and get me an appointment with mental health Trust. I was loosing weight before tina was taken ill but did nothing. Then couldn’t when she did fall ill. I finally went to GP 2 weeks ago and they think I may have cancer. I had x ray and bloods test last week and CT scan this morning. I am not worried either Way If it is cancer I know I will be with tina quicker and my pain will stop. So or about ranting
I do wish you . Dave and others that read our posts all the best and that they manage to cope with their loss . As we know it’s not easy but many people manage it and we need to be of the same strength. Thanks again jane x
Nigel