Firstly I really do hope that your test all come back negative.
I know what it’s like to get counselling, they have told me both Sue Ryder and Cruse that they have a 6 week waiting list, I’m still waiting for a call and June passed away 6 weeks ago last Sunday, but thankfully my private company medical insurance has counselling so have used this at present.
I’m with you on the GP front I have no time of day for them at all, they didn’t do June and good and as you haven’t really done much for me either since my loss apart from send a letter of condolences.
We need to try and keep strong together as I said before and you too others have managed move on with life so we can too.
Keep strong Nigel, thoughts are with you my friend
Dave
Hi Nigel I’m so sorry about your news please stay positive Tina would not want you to feel like that I do know what you mean when you say you will be with Tina sooner I thought that myself many times but I hope when you get your results everything is ok fingers crossed I’m here anytime you need to chat please let me know how you get on take care x
Hi all hope you are moving forward. Dave I had my first counciling session this evening and it’s was just me talking for a complete hour about tina . Very little input from the councillor. At the time although upsetting I felt good to talk all about her and the plans we had that will now never happen . But afterwards when home I never felt so lonely. How are your counciling sessions. Do they just let you talk or do they give advice .
That is exactly how my first session was just talking about the sequence of events and talking about June as you did your Tina.
I had my second session on Friday and the counsellor asked about how I felt and what I was finding difficult, and she did speak to me on how to move forward for the future but no real advice that I can say at present to try anything but I guess there is no magic formula for what we are going through.
My next one is week today.
When is your next one Nigel.
My next session is next Monday 24th. I thought wise because this Friday we bury Tinas ashes. I dont really want too bury them because I have her ashes on our bed and I talk to them morning and nightime . I would be happy just to keep her there on our bed But for TINAS sake I need her to be out to rest and have a headstone . Please keep update as to your own progress and family . All the best NIgel
I would be the same as yourself it will enough strain on that day. I have June’s ashes at home with me also and they are staying with me until we can be together. I don’t really know what June would have wanted or myself so I’m taking time to think and all the family and June’s family are happy with the situation so that makes me feel better.
I too speak to June in mornings and throughout the evening.
I have 24th already booked for my session next week.
Sure will keep in touch on how things are going with us.
Hope all goes well on Friday Nigel thoughts are with you.
Dave
Hi all Janey Vanguard and Patfradut . I hope you are all managing to cope in the best way for yourselves. I thought I’d ask as I haven’t seen any comments this week from you and was just concerned. As you will see both dave and I are trying counciling . I didn’t feel I could wait for CRUSE so I have gone private which is not that expensive. £35 for the hour. I talked about all the feelings I had which from your posts seem to be so close to mine even down to the tv controls and what to watch. I will let you know how the next sessions go . reply with your ups and downs . I find it helpful by doing this.
Hi Nigel I hope all goes well for you on Friday I will be thinking of you .im sorry I’ve not been on site much I’m having a really bad few days I just can’t seem to hold it together you try and stay strong on Friday and keep your chin up .how are you feeling have you got things sorted out with yourself yet ?ive done counciling but I’ve stopped it now I’m just going to try myself and see how I get on I’m here anytime you need a chat take care x
That’s a real shame to here you been having a bad few days, I’ve been up and down over the last couple of weeks so know pretty much how you feel. I’m not 100% sure on counselling as only had a couple of sessions but will still give it another one or two to see. My next one is Monday next week.
You take care always here for a chat if you wish
Dave
I am sooty your having not having a good time . Would it help to tell us more about Robert and how you met and your fun times together . I am interest . Same for you as well Dave . How you and June met what was your fun times . MY first meeting Tina was pure luck.
June and I met by pure chance as well. One of my mates who I worked with at local engineering company and his mum who worked at a local superstore arranged a charity football match. Us lads were only apprentices aged around 18/19 had to play in wellies as the local superstore was a girls team. I just went for a laugh but June mentioned she liked me, my mate told me at work a few days later of this and we set up a date and the rest was history. So so many to mention in the 33 years we were married Nigel. What about you and Tina you said by pure luck.
Janey what about you and Richard how did you meet.
Dave
Dave . The wellies story was funny made me chuckle . Janey . If you pick.this up have you anything or funny moment you are happy to share . The same to you other s any funny or happy moments. . I just found that the famous psychic Sally Morgan is on at a theatre not far from me tomorrow night so I have got tickets today for my daughter and I to go and see. You never know I might get a message . I doubt it though. Tina my daughter and I went to see her a number of years ago and she was good and appears genuine. Strangely she is then back at another theatre next month on my birthday is that a sign. I may well go to that one as well. It would be nice to get a message . I do believe that there is something . Ghost etc as our house is very old and we regularly have spooky things happen in the 20 years since we bought our house. Some you wouldn’t believe.
Hi everyone, I just had my first cruse counselling session, it went pretty much the same as yours dave (cat87). I have another in two weeks time. Not to sure if it’s for me, but I’m going to go and give it a try.
Hi Vanguard I think it’s worth trying for several sessions. I have had 2 so far and have booked a further 2 . I am having to pay, I felt I couldn’t wait 12 weeks for cruse. Although I breakdown through my session, afterwards when I get home I feel better for a while having just spent the hour talking about my wife Tina. I am hoping that you will get the same short term relief as I do , even if for a couple of hours. I found it useful to fully open up where as it’s hard to do with family . So persist if you can . Keep in touch
Glad the first session went reasonably ok for you. I’ve had 3 sessions now, they are mixed for me as still get emotionally on odd times. We are currently talking about how I feel and the reasons I feel the way I do. It helps to focus my mind on what’s happening but of course there is no magic wand mate, I will always have the heartache inside me forever and it will surface from time to time but I will learn to build a new life for myself that still has June part of it in my thoughts and heart.
Keep strong mate always here for a chat if you wish
Dave
Hi Nigel, Dave and Vanguard.
I am so sorry for your loss and can understand the pain you are all going through. I can’t say it will all be ok because we all handle grief in our own way, some could well be able to smile sooner than others.
I lost my husband last May and I am still finding it hard to come home from work to an empty house. I shout out a ‘bye, love you’ each time I go out and ‘I’m back home’ each time I return. He was always waiting at the door to welcome me home with a hug each evening. I have a cushion with a picture of John that I hug as soon as I come home, I pretend that’s us having our usual cuddle. It’s one of those Groupon/Wowcher offers that print pictures on cushions/blankets, I have a little blanket too with 12 pictures each one means something special. I talk to John all the time out loud or in my head where ever I may be. It’s a one sided conversation telling him about my day, how I feel about something or asking for advice. He was and still is my world. I totally agree the pain and loneliness is unbearable, never in a million years would I have guessed just how bad it would be. I was John’s carer, we lived for each other and only apart when I went to work. I have lost all purpose for living, it’s a robotic existence. Each week I count the days we have been apart, tomorrow it will be 532 days - that’s 532 days nearer to being with John again. You are so right it’s the simple little things that I miss the most, a smile, touch of a hand, a hug and discussing the day to day stuff.
I pray for everyone who has lost a loved one to find some peace.
Sorry, didn’t mean to waffle. Take care. Libby
I personally feel I will never get back to that Dave everyone liked, the life of a party and always up for a good time, which I know is what actracted me to June.
I do just the same as you, I talk to June through photos and have her ashes at home with me, yes it makes me emotional every time but it just seems to be a comfort and I need to talk to her.
Thank you Libby for a little chuckle I had, mine to are one sided conversations.
I have those special photos around the house and June’s favourite teddy bear (Richard) and cushion in her favourite colour next to me in bed.
I cared for June for the 11 months through her battle, I have no purpose in life and just plod through day by day and just exist.
I know June would be saying to me to do all the things we wanted to do but the stubborn person in me just can’t be bothered to do anything and why should I without the women I loved so much and want back in my life.
No need to apologise, no waffling far as I’m concerned and I’m always here for a chat if you or anyone wishes.
Dave
Lobby thank you for your comments, thoughts and replying to our posts. It seems that we all do very similar, talking to pictures , one way conversations, smelling the same perfumes , the pain in returning home to an empty house, no hugs or holding of hands and just being with the one person we really want to be with above all others . Sitting in silence not having to chat just comfortable be together. . My wife tina only recenlty died 1st September and like you I found that i count the days. Wishing we had had more time so she could have seen our children get married and have grandchildren . It’s not waffling it helps to let out our thoughts so carry on and waffle on. Dave said he met his wife in a football match whilst wearing wellies which made me chuckle even now must have been funny to see . I met tina because my car had broke down and was in repairs so ended up in a pub whilst it was being repaired not as amusing as dave. How did you meet .
Hi Nigel. I still can’t sit downstairs and watch telly on my own. This evening after a quick meal, set the alarm and was up by 6 pm. I’ve forgotten to lock up a few times -, scary, now I try to lock up as soon as I walk through the doors. John and I worked at the same place for 5 years before he plucked up the courage to express his feelings, he did not know what my reaction would be but says he could not hold back any longer; took a while for me to reciprocate but he waited patiently - a perfect gentleman. Some things are just meant to be. He found it amusing when I once said God broke the mould after creating him. I hope and pray we are united again soon. Really busy at work today so not much time for moping or mourning. Hope your day hasn’t been too bad. Take care. Libby