Lying awake as always nearly 6am and ive not slept. Missing my partner next to me i still have his tshirt with me i spray his aftershave on it. Six months and i still cant move forward 
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Loopylou, it is exhausting, I know. I sleep in my husband’s PJs. I am 21 months since my husband died. I do have better days now but the loss and grief is never far away. So much pressure to move forward (whatever that is). Don’t feel like you are on a timetable because one of the biggest questions is what do we move forward to? When I was only 6 months in, I had no idea who I was anymore with no idea of what life could possibly be without my soulmate. Slowly I have generated some answers to these questions and have started acting on them. The pain, the trauma, memories, and society’s complete inability to cope with bereaved people means we are all going through the worst nightmare ever. It’s awful. I hope this helps in some small way x
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I feel the same. I struggle to sleep without tablets. I think I am coping and then something small and I can’t deal with it. There is trouble with the chemist getting my sleeping tablets and I am now stressing over it. I can just about cope in the day but to we awake all night I can’t cope with. X
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Im exactly the same, 18 weeks down the line and its like yesterday, I sleep with his teeshirt, I say sleep but I dont actually sleep. I now have dark circles under my eyes as I watch tv downstairs till about midnight then come up and watch some Netflix drivel till I fall asleep about 0230 then wake again around 0430 and listen to some podcast for an hour or two before dropping off again. I have never experienced these feelings of loss and lonliness in my life. we did everything together including our business, which I’ve had to close down. My so called friends have dwindled to around a handful and even my son, I am sure, is getting fed up with me crying all the time. Every day is torture, I weep and weep and weep, not just feeling sorry for myself but I cannot get the last images out of my head, keeps going round in a loop. I dont want to live but Im not sure that I want to die either, Im not brave enough to do anything about it as too worried I would fail and then suffer horrendous side effects for the rest of my miserable life. Chatting on here helps although I cry all the way through it as usual. No-one in my circle understands the desolation and new found anxiety I find myself in. Im just the saddest person. I just want my husband back.
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You sound so like me i stay downstairs till after 1am then come to bed put ipad on and watch rubbish i get tired turn it off then im wide awake with thoughts running through my head. My daughter im sure is also getting fed up with me doing nothing i do housework and stuff but i just cant face going out we always did this together. I moved from Scotland to england to be with him so all my family are back home.
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@Loopylou0141 @Moi1 I am just the same. I go to bed at silly o’clock in the morning and just lie there 'till I drop off. I keep telling myself I will have to get to bed earlier but to be honest I don’t see the point as I wouldn’t sleep anyway. If I do get to sleep it is very disturbed being only for a couple of hours at a time.x
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Hello,
I just wanted to share a few resources for anyone who’s struggling to sleep - you may have tried some of these things already, but there may also be some new things you would like to explore.
We know that grief can have a big impact on our sleep. Mind have a page on on coping with sleep problems which has lots of practical advice. Mindfulness can also help some people. We have these videos on our Grief Guide which might be helpful:
Take care,
Seaneen
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Aw Loopylou, even though your post is sad it did make me smile, only because I spray my wife’s Youth Dew on every day, I am running low now and it would feel strange buying some more for me. I now also use my smellies as well, people at work were wondering who had this perfume on and I didn’t want to explain it was me and why!
Have you tried audio relaxation for night times? It has helped me and although I usually wake up when it ends I put another one on and manage to get off to sleep again.
I am definitely feeling better, I no longer get that horrendous, sick feeling when I wake up, I think having better sleep is part of the reason why.
I also read a lot of self help books on positivity and I feel this also helps me.
I speak to me wife all the time and tell her of my love for her, hope she can hear me somewhere. x
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I understand. I lost my husband 5 mos ago and I am struggling to sleep. Maybe I get 2-3 hours/night. Everything is just so agonizing and miserable.
Peace and love, Karen
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