I feel trapped. I cant move on till I accept he’s dead but cant accept he’s dead till I move on. I feel like a hamster in a wheel. Is there a solution?
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Hello @Lavenderlady1 ,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very difficult and almost unreal at the moment and you are describing yourself as being trapped and on a hamster wheel. This is a difficult place to be, I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Take care - keep reaching out,
Alex
Hi @Lavenderlady1
So sorry to hear of your loss
It has been 18 weeks since my husband
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Hi @Lavenderlady1
I know how you are feeling it has been 18 weeks since he passed.
Today felt guilty as was out during the day at event and i was doing ok or so i thought.
But looking around at everyone made me realise how lonely i am even although lots of people around i am one and they have partners so guess a backwards step.
I will never get over him going away he will always be part of me that i can never forget
How i survive this part of the journey im not sure. Each day is a new day but still filled with much sadness. I wish i could find a way to stop the pain coming back but guess now i need to find a way to live with it.
Lynne x
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It is nearly 20 weeks since my beloved died. I thought I was coming to terms with it. Had decided I had got over the horror, the shock of his sudden death. Maybe I have but that doesnt stop the pain which doesnt seem to lessen. I feel completely in turmoil, like I have become an alien, an intruder in my own house.
I have felt a bit guilty after brief moments of enjoyment but would give up the enjoyment to simply feel acceptance. Lets hope we gind dome peace soon
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Hi @Lavenderlady1
Yes i hope that it gets easier but at the moment it feels like one step forward two steps back.
My husbands sudden death at home aged 63 has knocked me for six.
People think i am coping well but when at home the pain and sadness returns guess due to the quiet and silence in the house.
I have got through our wedding anniversary and my birthday next one will be christmas and new year. Dont think i want new year without him but it is what i have now.
We used to travel for special occasions now being on my own appeal is not there.
I hope in time it comes back and i want to travel again before i get too old to do so
Take care
Lynne x
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Yes, it does seem that any small progress is followed by a setback. Then we feel disappointment on top of the pain . I try to not expect too much but never know what I’m going to feel from one moment to the next. The crashes come with little warning. But kind words always help. Thanks.
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I know no two days the same.
Going to visit my mum tomorrow who has dementia.
She has forgotten my husband 
but is going through depression stage and keeps saying she wants to die not good for me to hear but i have to fight back tears and when i get home have a cry to myself.
Life is never easy anymore 
but somehow we get by Lynne
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How horrible to have to deal with your mother on top of your own grief. My mother had dementia and was also very depressed. She died last October. I feel bad for spending so much time with her then moaning to my husband about her. Then when he died I felt I wanted her back but she wouldnt have been supportive. I even think I have lost my husband as a punishment for not being nicer to Mum, the grieving mind comes up with the most perverse thoughts!
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Hi @Lavenderlady1
Sorry you are not to blame for anything.
I thought maybe i was being tested in my life husband passing mym with dementia and cant remember anything anymore such shot term loss now i visit but 30 mins later she phones does not remember i have visited then to find out my mum had 2 other children 2 half sisters who are now aged 63and 62 only found out through her sister last year !! They contacted mum 13 years ago but she did nit want to see them then and never told me either.
As if i did not have enough to cope with to find out these facts has knocked me for six.
I had my husband around and he helped me by talking about it.
Now dealing with everything on my own now.
But i am strong and no matter what happens i will survive x
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Gosh, you’ve had a lot to deal with recently. Do you have any support from a Carer’s organisation? I was on books of local Carers Centre, I got counselling while caring for Mum. Had just registered myself as husband’s carer ( he had Parkinson’s) three days before he died. I am going to a group for bereaved carers on Monday.
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Hi @Lavenderlady1
That sounds good to have some counselling.
I did speak with cruise bereavement a few weeks back as due to sudden death and trauma around his passing and was told to call back if i felt i needed more support
But being me i feel i can deal with this as there are more people out there who need help.
Take care of yourself x
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That’s part of the problem. We like to think we are strong, can cope. We plaster a false smile on our faces and kid ourselves. We all need help. X
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@Lavenderlady1 My husband died of Parkinsons in June. I hope you enjoy the group for bereaved carers. I wish there was one in my area. take care Ann
Thanks. My husband was diagnosed 5 years ago. He also had mobility problems following a back injury. He suffered a couple of falls in the house with head injuries. Died from a bleed on the brain. Totally unexpected. I feel let down by the lack of support he received, waited 18 months for pain management clinic, never got the appointment. But his death was just a tragic accident.
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Hi
My husband died suddenly arteriosclerosis leading to heart attack we had no warning he went to get ready in bathroom did nit come out. The shock was horrific i was unable to get into bathroom and had to wait for fire brigade and ambulance but i knew due to the time he was not coming out of this alive. I dont think i will forget that day and i wish he was still here now.
We cant go back but move forward oh how i wish i could see him one more time
I guess we all wish that.
My life will never be the same again.
Everything is different now.
I find myself alone a lot of the time and try to make effort to go out to meet new friends but at my age it
Is not easy
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Yes its not easy adjusting to a new life that you had no warning about. After looking after my Mum and husband suddenly there is no one. I used to enjoy my own company but now it is a nightmare. Luckily there are groups I can attend but my heart’s not in it.
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Hi @Lavenderlady1
I too looking for some groups to join.
Edinburgh is my nearest town.
I have joined Jolly Dollies recently and U3A but not found anything else yet
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I’m up in Montrose. I go to yoga and book club which I did before. Have joined U3A, Walk and Talk and an over 60’s ballet class! And been to British Legion. I used to love crafts but now I have plenty time I struggle to enjoy it. Trying to knit socks.
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