I’m putting it out there. How do people cope with change ? I must admit I have never been good even with small changes. In the week I walk the dog in the morning and then watch some tv. Some programmes are like a comfort blanket. On at the same time every day and I know what to expect. My sister visits in the afternoons. They dribbles by BUT weekend causes anxiety. Everything changes. I don’t cope well with the anxiety you would oh d think after a lifetime of suffering I would but there is no rhyme or reason. X


It’s all so different for everyone. I also got a puppy and as much as it kills me to say it, I would give it all up to have him back but I say that knowing he won’t be back. You will get through the funeral, just like you get through every day. I thought it would be harder than it actually was and oddly, it was good and he would have been happy with it. It was nice to see so many people from his past, that he had mentioned and put a face to the name.

When you’re ready, maybe join a group or volunteer somewhere if you’re able to.

Meet new people to fill your life. The important part is, when you’re ready.

Sue Ryder do events you can sign up for, challenges, that could get you out and meet people. Join a local walking group etc.

There’s lots you can do but you have to be ready to do it. I do have to push myself to do things. It’s always easier to do nothing but that doesn’t help me.

Hope that helps

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@nel We used to have dogs but I know I’m not ready to have another one just yet. @Ali29 makes a good point about joining a group or volunteering.
Socialising can be so important to our general wellbeing. I started volunteering for one day a week about a month ago and so far so good. I thought it might be a bit early after my partner died, but because I’d been her carer for 3 years I had an awful lot of time to fill afterwards and I’m around people and animals where I volunteer and it helps. The good thing about volunteering is that if you decide you’re not enjoying it you can leave and find something else. Perhaps have a think about what you might like to do, have a browse on the internet see what local groups you have that might need a volunteer.
A lot of people think that volunteering is just to help us, but we can bring a lot to organisations with our life experiences and the skills we have learnt over many years that we can share with others.
I hope you find something and are able to give it a go.
Best Wishes


Dear JustSomeBloke,

I agree joining clubs and doing voluntary work can be a great help, but, in my case it was a very expensive experience. Two years after Peter died, I had fully re-decorated our home and found I had time on my hands but my problem was, I have never driven a car and never wanted to even though my Peter begged me to try, but it was not for me as I have Directional Dyslexia. (We have lived her since we married many years ago and even though I know the names of all the streets and areas, getting there or directing someone there is a completely different matter.) The problem with volunteering or joining clubs is that you either have to have someone to take you to the club or get a taxi to the place you are volunteering for as I don’t have a regular bus route.
Not having buses makes life very lonely and very expensive. There is a bus that would take me to the hospital but I have a long walk to get to the bus stop and a taxi costs me £7, that is £14 return before I even get on a bus. When you add the cost up it would cost me £70 per week to volunteer at the hospital. How many services are losing out on volunteers because of the lack of a bus service and how many people are alone, like myself, because of the lack of a bus service.
It makes no wonder high street stores are closing when you cannot get to town unless you pay £22 return for a taxi.

I agree that a lack of public transport can hinder things. Many communities offer car sharing or lifts for people who don’t drive. Perhaps there is a local group in your area who offer such a thing?

Thank you JustSomeBloke, I will look into it.

If you volunteered for the stroke association they pay for your travel expenses xxxx i know cos i do that :slight_smile:

Dear Deb,

Thank you, I will look into it. The problem is I don’t think they will pay for taxis there and back at a cost of £22 per day as I don’t have a bus service. What do you get paid for buses, taxis or petrol and car parking.

You get so much a mile for petrol, think about 35p a mile , probably pay for car parking if necessary ??? X

Dear Deb.
I have never driven a car and I honestly do not think they will pay for my taxi fares there and back home again. The cheapest taxi ride I can get to my GP’s is £15 return.

They will - cos i get about that much each trip x look into it :slight_smile:

Yes, thank you, I will look into it.

Hi Deb,
I have just emailed the Stroke association with my details.

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Ok … fair enough x

@Lonely I just anted to add to @Deb5 that I am a Senior Manager for a Charity and we pay volunteer expenses up to £25 per shift, I understand most Charities who use volunteers do the same. When we apply for funding we incorporate volunteer expenses into our budgets. It will hopefully widen the number of Charities you can approach according to your interests. Lots of Charities couldn’t operate without the invaluable support of volunteers like @Deb5 and @JustSomeBloke Fantastic that you are thinking of applying. Hope that helps xx


Dear sandi,
Thank you for that. I was also reading that because I am 80 years old I may not be able to volunteer as some charities won’t insure me. I will wait and see what happens when I receive a reply from them.


@Lonely if you were thinking of volunteering for air and sea rescue that might be the case but otherwise most charities would happily accept you at 80 with all that experience and wisdom! :grin:

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Indeed youre right xx

@sandi There’s no way I’d go up in a helicopter :rofl: :rofl:


Hi Deb,
Air and sea rescue would be just up my street.

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