Choosing not to have autopsy then regretting it

My dad died suddenly the dr had seen him recently and asked if I wanted an autopsy and I refused as couldn’t hear the thought of it. He had several comorbidities so the dr was happy for it not to occur. I am really struggling now with questions as I initially thought was a gi bleed but now not so sure as there was some blood but not a significant amount. I am tormenting myself as I am wondering how long was he suffering after collapsing was he lying there aware for long. He lived alone and hadn’t been seen for a few days and when I found him he looked as if had been dead for at least two days. It broke my heart in two I felt I failed him and failed as a daughter a person a nurse.

Hi, Im new here but I just read your post about your dad. I lost my mum 10 days ago. She also had comorbidities and had a massive gi internal and external bleed. The coroner is now investigating her death. I was lucky as I was with her when she passed, she was put in an induced coma and was actually refusing a ambulance at 7.30pm and had passed by 12.45am!!

It has really shaken me to my core. My dad also passed away with cancer 8 years ago. They were only 65 and 68.

I must admit I am struggling with the thought of autopsy and her still being in hospital. We havent been able to register her death or arrange a funeral, and it breaks my heart thinking of her there.

Im here if you need a chat. Try not to feel guilty I know its easier said than done. I feel guilty as I was working so much that I didnt have as much time as I should have, but she always used to say she understood. Your dad wouldn’t want you to feel guilty either. What you are feeling is because the love you have for him, and that will never change.

I found after my dad it did get easier, it took a long time but it will get easier. You never forget them, your life is never the same but you do accept it and then have nice memories of them.

We are still in shock and denial and Im also going through anger, regret, disbelief and sadness. If Im honest I just feel numb.

You need to be gentle with yourself at the moment, take each day as it comes. Try and spend time with friends and family if you can, and its okay to hide away for a while too. You just need to look after yourself at the moment and put yourself first.

I hope that in time it will get easier for you. The passing of someone close is the most painful experience that we can go through, but it shows how much you love them. Thinking of you,


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I lost my mum last Dec and just wanted to say the feelings you are feeling are normal. I felt the same but it gradually eases but just a little.
As Emotional says be gentle on yourself as the shock is awful on top of the grief. Rest as much as you can and look after yourself.
You didn’t fail your dad at all so please don’t think like that. Do you have anyone that can help or support you through all this
Post on here as we are all struggling but will help you
Deborah x

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