This will be my fifth Christmas without my beloved husband and no, it doesn’t get any easier. I still shed tears for what he has missed, for what we have missed. The future does not bear thinking about so I live day to day and I plan day to day.
I remember all the Christmases we spent together, our home decorated to the rafters, seeing our children grow from tiny babies to adult men in their 40’s. Even though Peter was so ill, he always wanted Christmas in our home with all the family around so I put on a wonderful Christmas even though my heart was breaking, knowing I may not have much longer with him. That was the last Christmas he spent with us, he died the following year. It is the memories that hurt the most, what used to be and will never be again.
I want to wish everyone on the forums as much peace as they can find during these dark times because after four years, there is still that ache in my heart for the young boy I met when he was 18 years of age and the grown man he became, it was a love made in heaven and I know that such a love would never have ended the day he died and I know I will see him again when it is my turn to leave this earth, so I will just wait.
Peace to you all and I hope you find a way of getting through the next two weeks because when the New Year arrives, the pain won’t be over, it will just be another year facing you without your loved ones and believe you me, it hurts so much, as you are starting to make new memories in which they are no longer part of. But the beauty of it is, you will never, ever forget them and you only have to close your eyes and they are there with you, it will be like looking through a window and seeing your past life where you are together and the memories will come thick and fast. I do this such a lot now because there is nothing in the future to look forward to.
Since my Peter died, my life has changed so much that I don’t recognise it anymore, and it is hard to believe that we were once such a very close family, and I truly believe that it was my Peter that was holding us together, but now that he has gone, it has all fallen apart.
Love to you all.