Christmas and new year to come

Already staring to dread the thought of Christmas to come, I used to love this time of year all the Christmas films and the Christmas adverts, there was so much to look forward to, but my life ended on the 29th June this year when I lost my wife, soul mate, best friend my everything, we were together for 32 years, all I can say is this isn’t getting any easier. As the realisation sets in knowing that I will never see my Julie again, I feel consumed by sadness and grief and just can’t get any normality back in my life.
Now we have Christmas approaching, shops full of Xmas goodies and people starting to buy their Xmas gift, how can this be happening life carrying on and people looking happy for the festivities ahead. I’m sat here crying just thinks about it , Christmas with my family but I will still be all alone, putting on a brave face, but lonely and broken inside, will I really have to keep saying happy Christmas to everyone and pretend that it’s all ok and Im moving forward, come New Year’s Eve I’ll be all alone either at home or where ever I may be but all I know is that my Julie won’t be there to hug and wish me a happy new year. Wish I could just end it all right now rather than go through the festive season all alone.


Hi Wayne2, I feel your pain.
I lost my wife unexpectedly a few weeks ago.

The thought of doing Christmas without my rock here with me fills me with dred.

I never showed emotion before and now I am consumed by grief.

The only thing that keeps me going is my 2 kids but it’s still hard.

I hope you find a way through and if you find anything that works for you please do let me know and I am searching for anything that makes the pain easier to bear.


1 Like

I too will be totally alone but personally I am ok with that as I don’t have to put on a fake personna purely because it’s Xmas, after all, it’s just another day in the land of bereavement and I
will focus on the happy xmas’s I was blessed to have had with my loved one’s. It’s ok not to be ok too, many people are alone at Xmas for lots of different reasons. The day is yours to choose how you spend it but we will all survive it so hopefully you will find a way that works for you. Our loved one’s will be with us in spirit


Hi @moore18 really sorry about your loss, very early days for you, wish I could say it will get easier but if it does then can someone please tell me when.
It’s 5 months on the 29th since I lost my Julie and I really feel like I’m at the point where I can no longer cope and need help, I’m feeling so anxious and depressed, don’t really know what help is out there.
I wish I could advise you of a way to get through this, I’ve been coming on the site for months and everyone is so kind and helpful but I’m still waiting for advice that will get me through this.
It’s good that you have 2 kids, you will have to stay strong for them but you still do need to grieve for your own sake. Take care.

1 Like

You are so right @Sarlyn with what you say and it is our choice. I wish to be quietly alone and remember all the wonderful Christmases with my dear husband, I shall light a special candle as quite a lot of us are doing on the Forum. We can just do as we like and when we like, and won’t have to pretend we are enjoying ourselves. I know there will be tears but they are out of love for our dear husbands/wives, who will be with us in our hearts.


@Wayne2 it’s awful isn’t it . I can’t stand seeing any of Christmas because my husband isn’t here . By now we would have trimmed up the whole house and both gardens . I can’t face any of it so I am going away for it


Hi @Wayne2,

I am really sorry for your loss and absolutely understand how you are feeling. My gorgeous wife Christine died two years ago come January. Yes, Christmas and the New Year can be an especially awful time to try and get through.

I have found that putting on a brave face and pretending that I am OK takes a huge amount of emotional energy, frankly energy I don’t have. And after putting on such a show for everyone leaves me feeling even more empty than before. So I try to be as true to myself as possible and will say how I am feeling and why the world now sucks for me. I kind of feel that folk will have to deal with it as best as they can. That’s their problem not mine. Some folk will respond with compassion, others will effectively walk away. Well, so be it.

Best wishes to you.


Hi @Sarlyn
I feel nothing can help if I’m alone or with friends and family it makes no difference inside I’m all alone and nothing can change that,
I’m fed up with putting on the happy brave face, I’m not happy and don’t feel brave, I think you have to have felt the loss of a partner to really understand that, I can see where you are coming from, been on you own, no act just to be yourself


Think your so right, I should just tell it how it is, no happy act and if they can’t handle that, then it’s their problem not mine, I have enough to cope with without worrying about others, thanks for that advice, will really help.

1 Like

I have tried contacting a few places for help. In my local area there is a Mind support specifically around suicide bereavement and they have given me a key worker to talk to and I will start counseling in th next couple of weeks.

Painful as it is to talk about at the time I think this is the best way forward.

I truly wish that you and everyone who has responded on this chat has someone they can honestly talk too on a regular basis and I hope everyone finds a way through this.

Also feel free to message more and I will try and respond as weirdly it helps me talking to people who understand the pain we are all going through.


I have always been known as the ‘strong one’ and after losing my dad 4yrs ago, my partner of 30 yrs in March, my Mum in July and my Sammy (dog) of 15yrs in August, I found out I was only strong for others and not myself so finding myself all alone, I broke down completely but I am slowly rebuilding and I now let others know exactly how I feel and that I am not strong and if they can’t be supportive then I walk away. I have simplified my life now. Can’t get any more alone than having no family or children but in a weird way it is now becoming a comfort. I am now worry and stress free, nobody who relies on me and lastly no more heartbreak as there is literally noone left for me to lose. It’s a horrible journey but there are so many lessons in grief if we acknowledge them. The most important thing to remember is you are still here for a reason and you can do whatever you want to do with the life you have left and live it for you. Fortunately I have good supportive friends who understand, they don’t apply any pressure and are there when I choose to participate in joining them. Xmas will be hard but it will remind me of the saying ‘better to have loved and lost than never loved’ All those happy so called faces you see at this time of year have things no one knows about happening behind closed doors. There is a lot of facade about Xmas and for 2 days is any of it worth it? New Year will be a hard one for me but there is so much of this year I want to release and 2024 is a blank canvass to be whatever we want it to be. Lyn x


I hope this may help someone, the worst fear, dread, heartbreak in life is what we have all now experienced, so what possibly can get any worse? Why do we all fear grief? We see it as the enemy that we have to battle daily, why? Grief is love so make it your friend. It’s yours alone and the continuing bond you have with your loved one, embrace it, welcome it, let it be your teacher, nobody on this earth dies for nothing, we are left behind to ensure their lives were worth something, to remember them, honour them and to continue with them alongside us, not to focus on pain, misery, darkness and wishing our lives away. They were loved, were happy. Why do we focus on the end of their lives and their death? It serves no purpose to them or us. We have the ability to change the focus, change the reaction and change our lives. It is a journey not a destination


@moore18 Thank you that’s nice of you to say . It does help to talk after we have all had such a devastating loss . I hope the mind counsellor helps .

Thanks for your kind words, it does help on here, only people who have experienced the devastating loss of a partner can understand the pain and loneliness we have to endure, friends and family mean well but no one can truly understand unless that have experienced the same loss.


@Sarlyn I totally get what you are saying and yes this is what we are hopefully moving towards. However, it’s hard to have this positive attitude when the loss of someone overwhelms you. Not just the physical loss but for some practical, financial etc. Like all life events it’s hard to see the positives when you are in a dire situation.


I understand as I lost my partner of 30yrs in March, my mum in July and my dog of 15yrs in August so have no family left on this planet and I have been totally overwhelmed and in financially difficulty but I am here, I am healthy and I am alive and that is all the positive I need, life is so precious but like you say everyone deals with it differently


@Sarlyn I hope the way you think helps you I do but it is not any way I could think. Grief is an individual process . The loss of a life partner is so shocking

Hi Wayne I lost my husband Peter on 29 June 2021 after 54 years. I still dread every anniversary be it birthdays, anniversary or Christmas. I feel so alone, lonely and empty. Others say time heals but for me it hasn’t. I sincerely hope you can feel some comfort here knowing that we are all feeling exactly the same because of our losses. Sending hugs to everyone feeling like this and hope another year will bring us some relief from the pain of losing somebody so precious.


Hi. I feel exactly the same so alone, lonely and empty, I’ve always seen myself as someone who is strong , but this has made me realise all my strength came from my Julie, and without her I have no strength and just feel so weak and vulnerable,
I truly hope time changes things because I feel like I can’t carry on much long like this, life is so cruel and pointless these days. X

Hi. Even though it has been two and a half years for me I am contemplating counselling. My son (he in fact us having help himself as he was very close to his Dad), has been a wonderful help to me but I still feel so low. I feel this may be the only answer now,l.