My mum died at beginning of September. I was numb feeling for most of September and October. November was my 40th birthday and i have struggled to cope thorough november and still am struggling. I put a christmas tree up because I thought it would help. I feel so unchristmassy. I’m not looking forward to it, my dad is expecting it to be the same as every other Christmas and it just won’t be without mum. I can’t not go back to my parents if I dont go then it gives my sister the option to not go and she is struggling too. My dad also wouldn’t be happy nor understand why I want to be alone at christmas.
My manager at work could see I wasn’t coping so switched me to one task and reduced me to working 2 day weeks for December. My manager has been my main support in work. Her dad died last Thursday and she is now off for the foreseeable. My team has had 3 people lose someone plus me in the last 3 months. I’m also autistic/adhd. My dr has changed my anxiety medication which is probably not helping how I am feeling.
The question I can’t decide on an answer. Should I take down my tree or do something with it to stop it being so painful to see. I have decorations my mum bought me or I bought when I was away with mum.
Sorry for the long post