Christmas

I lost my husband in February this year, my father and sister three years ago and my mother 20 years ago. I live alone and am working over Christmas but don’t know if I can face putting decorations up at home. My husband loved Christmas and I feel I should make an effort in his memory, I am listening to Christmas music but that’s all.

How is everyone else coping with the run up to Christmas?

Sorry to hear that you are finding the run-up to Christmas tough. I know quite a few of our users are feeling the same way. For example, you might want to join in with this other conversation about dreading Christmas: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/dreading-christmas It includes Sam, Colin and Dave who have all lost their wives this year.

Chris from our Sue Ryder Wheatfields Hospice also wrote this blog last week with advice for coping with grief at Christmas: https://www.sueryder.org/media-centre/blog/2016/december/coping-with-bereavement-at-christmas One of the things that she wrote is that you don’t have to make an effort or do things for Christmas if you don’t feel up to it this year.

Christmas day was my mother’s birthday…one of those milestone days. Don’t have many close friends and estranged from my family…going to be on my own for the very first time. can’t face the idea of decorating…have not got a car so can’t go anywhere for the day. Any advice?

Hi David,

Christmas day would have been my Mum’d Birthday too. I think you should make a huge effort not to be alone on Xmas day. It will be a hard one for the majority on this forum however people like you/me have a special sentiment for the time of year. That is why it is important that you make plans, book a Christmas lunch or dinner at a local diner. Walk the highest peak surrounding you, make dinner for an elderly neighbor.

You could contact your local Salvation Army or Homeless societies. Any organisation like that would greatly appreciate your time and effort at this time of year.

I think the feel good factor from helping others might just take the edge off your hurt and it could lead to a positive outcome in the end.

Hope you make some plans and don’t stay at home with your thoughts, take care…

Hi kit, i lost my husband ten days ago after a short battle with cancer and christmas well i just want to cancell it but my 25 year old daughter wants to put some things up but i dont think i can bear it i just want christmas and new year over with xx

I lost my Mum 4 years ago, the anniversary was very recently. We were expecting and planning a last christmas together when she deteriorated much faster and died just before. She was the life and soul of christmas and I still very much struggle this time of year. The jolly music, the adverts everywhere, it just makes me think of my Mum and how she would cook and host and make us all feel safe and together and loved. I’m not sure christmas will ever be easy, there will always be that hole but i’m hoping to start not to dread it too much. When I have my children of my own I want to try and recreate the fun and homeliness she afforded myself and my siblings but until then I feel it is just something I have to get over and done with.

But to everyone struggling - it is survivable, not pleasant and it may be very sad and bleak but it will be over with soon and there is the other side.

Hello vicky45,so sorry for your loss I lost my husband in October it happened very suddenly so I am in shock still at this moment.I have two Daughters and they to want decorations etc I found this odd as I to just want christmas and new year to be over.I have been told that their grieve is different to ours so I hAve just let them get on with it but hate seeing the tree.I’ve been told it will get easier but I feel I’m in a nightmare at the moment.I find this forum helpful as it is good to chat to people in simular circumstances as we understand more than anyone what we are going through.my heart goes out to you as with everyone on this sight.x

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