Hi everyone …
I have a big fear of Christmas and new year …and next year and week and month to be honest …I feel like I’m walking around in a daze the last few days … Christmas concerts …writting letters to santa … decorations…feel like I have to be braver than I ever have in my life …my little ones have been through so much they deserve to be happy …so I’ll do everything I can but it’s going to be with one big held breathe …
Thinking of you all
Love Michelle
Dear Sheila, I could cry ~ that was such a tough day out today for you. This has to be one of the hardest times of the year for all who have lost someone special. There just doesn’t seem to be any end to the heartache does there?
We all have songs that trigger emotions, I am so moved by music & songs we used to dance to, its a major sadness for me ~ I just can’t bear to listen anymore without falling apart…
Take care of yourself and love to you too
Elaine x
Then don’t do any of those things. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly too in June 2017. I felt just like you last Christmas so I didn’t put up a tree, I didn’t send any cards. It was hell on earth. Not sure about this year - I still don’t intend to send cards, it’s much too difficult to write my name only so many times. I may put up a tree but if so it won’t be until the last minute. Do whatever you feel and if people don’t understand then tough. We all understand here. Sending love and a hug xx
Sheila … I’ve never met u or Peter but I was watching the celebrity jungle program with Harry r rednap and his wife they have been married 45 years I think …and the whole time I was thinking of you and Peter …how cute they were together …you could tell there was no one else in the world for them but each other …and that’s exactly how I imagine you and Peter we’re …it had me in tears
Love Michelle
And that brings to mind a Pooh Bear quote:
" Always remember, you are braver than you believe and stronger than you seem…"
Ah, but Pooh is a bear of very little brain and yet comes out with some apt musings. You may not feel it Sheila but you are very brave and strong, as everyone here is. Xx
Dear Sheila, I read your feelings on Pooh Bear’s quote and at 23:39 today, I actually had a lighter moment and a smile appeared. I think Pooh understands what a testing day you’ve had. Sleep well x
You are all very lucky. You have family to carry you through Christmas, and in that family the spirit and memory of your departed loved one will still exist in memories, tradition and love. I have only my mum who is slowly being hazed in dementia… I can’t even face writing a card and the decorations font appeal to me at all. Intact, I find the endlessly flashing lights and irritant. I shall place a Christmas wreath on my Jeff’s grave and repeat to the cold looking earth just how much I miss him. So those who have children and grandchildren, enjoy the spirit of your family Christmas. Mention your loved one:s name and feel their presence. Remember those, like myself, who have no offspring to remind me, who have no reason to trim the tree, and who will be staring into an empty day wishing that just for a day, the memories didn’t hurt so much
I don’t think I would ever use the word ‘lucky’ to describe myself but I’m obviously not as unlucky as some. I don’t really want to go and stay with my daughter but I feel I have to. I would much rather stay at home and ignore Christmas but there is so much expected of me. It’s actually quite difficult to pretend and to force a smile.
I have promised to spend three days in London over Christmas with daughter, son in law, grandson and granddaughter.
I don’t really relish the thought of the travelling, nor being in a city, but I know my family grieve as I do, and worry about me, so I must support them.
The days that I am away will be the first that I have not tended Eileen’s grave since the day she was laid to rest, and I will miss doing that.
I know how you feel about going outside your bubble because that’s what it has become it takes major thought and bravery to go out in the world you now feel not part off just now. And yes we become to engulfed by our own grief it is easy to forget how others are feeling and it’s always a push from a family member to motivate you a little it’s a reason to get up because every morning is a battle to even put your feet on the floor x
I have to go through London and out to Surrey. Not my idea of fun. Like you I feel I should support my four children and seven grandchildren. It’s much easier with those nearer home. I think my daughter in Surrey is feeling much more remote than she used to and I do worry about her as she recently suffered a miscarriage. Deep down I know what my wife would have expected of me. I seem to be working much harder at being a father now. There is no room to abdicate.
Yes you find a comfort that makes you feel close to them. I would just go down to the loch everyday with my collies a place where we walked together with them the place where his ashes are and the place that’s quiet and I feel he is beside me walking with me and my thoughts are calm and at one with him nothing else in this weird life means the same x
Hi Elaine and everyone
I to am treating it as just another day. I want to be on my own too. It’s the first Christmas since I lost Keith in April and yesterday was his birthday, so I went for a meal with his daughter to mark the day, to say celebrate isn’t the right word to use.
I haven’t got any decorations or tree up this year as I don’t feel very festive as we will all feel. I don’t have to put a smile on my face for the grandchildren as the youngest is 13 and I probably won’t see him. The other 2 are adults with their own lives. They’ve all asked me to go to their houses for Christmas Day but I’ve told them all no that I want to be on my own this year, and they have accepted my decision.
We are all dealing with this terrible loss of our loved ones in the best way we can for ourselves, and even more so at this time of year.
I to will be glad when it’s over, at least I’m only off work for the 2 days and then back in as we don’t close like some firms do.
Thinking of you all and wishing the loss gets easier with time, so we can all have better days ahead. Love and hugs to everyone xx Dolly
J-zee
Your message so hit a note with me (and made me shed a tear), I lost my Andy this year after 20 yrs of being married,no kids by choice,and my mum to has dementia, most days doesn’t know who I am, never mind the day to day of washing, caring and all that entails, I don’t need to tell you, so yes Christmas will be just another day, and if one more person tells me it will get better!! I hope you manage to do one kind thing or treat for yourself, even if it’s just buying a drink or biki that’s your Jeff’s favourite, playing your favourite song, having a private moment melt down
J-zee
Your message so hit a note with me (and made me shed a tear), I lost my Andy this year after 20 yrs of being married,no kids by choice,and my mum to has dementia, most days doesn’t know who I am, never mind the day to day of washing, caring and all that entails, I don’t need to tell you, so yes Christmas will be just another day, and if one more person tells me it will get better!! I hope you manage to do one kind thing or treat for yourself, even if it’s just buying a drink or biki that’s your Jeff’s favourite, playing your favourite song, having a private moment melt down even if it’s just for five mins
Maybe lucky isn’t the right word, fortinate may be more apt. You have the choice as whether or not you go to your daughter’s, but how would your husband feel if you did shut yourself away? After all, you still represent him. I have no choice. Mum is I’ll and therefore there is no choice for me. I mean this message in a caring manner wishing not to sound bitter in any way. Forgive me if I have upset you
You haven’t upset me at all. I know exactly how difficult things are for you as I clearly remember the father I knew being taken slowly with Alzheimers. My mother died two years ago and she had the onset of dementia, my wife died four months ago from brain cancer, the symptoms of which were akin to dementia and my aunt died even more recently and she had no symptoms of dementia at 98. I hope you are able to cope with the demands of looking after Mum. It’s a difficult journey but in time you will look back at it and be so pleased you were there for her. Unfortunately you can never reclaim the years but they will be well spent.
I lost my husband, soulmate and best friend on 22nd November 2018I don’t how I’m going to get through Christmas, he use to love Christmas was always upfirst on Christmas morning, he would have the tree up 2week in November, we don’t have any children so it’s going to be so hard. I’ve put a wee tree up but can’t wait for it to be over. Xx