Classic comment "so you not over it yet"

I went for a catch how are you coping appointment with my GP, unfortunately she wasn’t there and as they forget to tell me my appointment had been cancelled, I was put in with the duty doctor.
And that is what he said to me “so your not over it yet”
I told him, I was having a bad month, feeling really tired and exhausted, work is hard going and I’ve had a couple of anxiety /panic attacked during the night. Also finding getting home to a empty house is hard.
I told him I do have supportive family and friends, but they can’t be with me 24/7.
His answer I need a hobby and better social life, he is going to get someone to contact me about organising my social life better.
You couldn’t make it up, consequently I had a few tears on the way home.

It’s just about nineteen months since my husband died, my normal lady GP has been very supportive.

The duty doctor needless to say is one most people avoid if they can.


Oh my goodness that is shocking, I really do feel for you. Some people have no idea what impact they have when they open their mouth and blurt stuff out but a dr should have more empathy. Not quite 4 months since my husband passed away but I am already hearing “you’re strong you will be fine” “get out and make new friends” this journey is a lonely one no matter where you are or who you are with and only those who have walked this path truly understand.
Sending a hug
Jen x


Hi @Jen64, someone was bound to say it sooner or later, you just don’t expect to be a doctor.
Debbie x


That’s just awful for you Debbie and I’m so sorry you had to go through it!! It’s no wonder you had a few tears on the way home……
What I find so strange is when friends and family are surprised that I still miss Ian after 16 months. The fact that I don’t look forward to anything and no, I don’t want to fill my time with numerous hobbies and volunteering seems alien to them.
We were together for over forty years so what do they expect. I just can’t forget my life with him and pretend that this life without him is ever going to be fine, because how can it…….
Thinking of you,
X Julie


Thank you Julie

Hi Debbie
That is truly shocking what that doctor said to you and totally unprofessional you need to go back and see your own doctor or even make a complaint to the practice manager. As if taking up a hobby is going to make things right. It makes me so mad when people expect you to get over losing a loved one. It will never be right and we will never get over it. People are so thoughtless obviously he’s never lost anyone else he would know how empty our lives are. When they get in touch about trying to organise your life tell them where to stick it mate. I’m here if you need to chat I’m over covid now so we can catch up over coffee . Sending you a big hug xx


What a ridiculous comment!!!

I had a phone consultation 3 months after the death of my beloved husband with a young GP. She suggested lying in bed for a weekend crying and that would do the trick!!! I would be over it!!! Who knew???

The bottom line is that they know nothing about what this is like.

I went back over a year later and an older GP gave me lots of time and helped me with my anxiety as a result of ptsd. Totally different experience.

Sorry that you had to go through that.

Sending love x

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When I went for an asthma check after my Peter died, the nurse asked me how I was enjoying being single. The sad thing was, is that I had worked for the practice for 15 years and knew all the staff personally. I never got a condolence card from any of them. The next time I booked in for a check -up I told them I did not want to see that nurse ever again and I told them why.

I know it is an awful thing to say but I hope that they have to go through what I went through as soon as possible and I hope it hurts like hell.


I don’t think we’ll ever “get over it”.
I read an article the other day which said “We never get over grief, we just absorb it”

I once had a friend who was telling us she was upset about a work colleague who was very ill with cancer. I said, when are you going to visit her?

She replied, “Oh I’m not doing that, I wouldn’t know what to say”

Then my mother died, and she kept away, probably because the journey was too far to see me. But two doors away is a long way!!!

Hence she’s a friend no more.


I know lots of people like that full of :poop:


me as well. Cant even see doctor. Got sent some sleeping pills but no
one cares. only bern since july 5th and the world thinks i should be moving on​:rage: i have no children to hug lucky have good friends and yes as everyone tells me i am a strong person but i want my rock back. Until this happens to them no one understands​:cry::hot_face:


@nett. I’m very unsure how anyone can judge if you are a strong person, because our strength, or lack of it, is hidden away inside us. But do you ever tell these people (ie the world) that you are really struggling, and need their support. If they dont know, they wont see the need to help.
We understand, and we care!!!
Keep chatting to us about your feelings, it works wonders just sharing them.


i will keep chatting in here with people who understand. Thank you🥰

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I keep getting people telling me I am doing much better than they ‘expected’ as well as stronger than they thought I’d be which makes me wonder what they expected so I reply ‘what, I’m not running up and down the street naked smeared in my own pooh?’

I am personally impressed to be dressed some days.


… and @nett, next time someone asks if you are ok, say “No, I’m really struggling”. If they run away, then you know never to expect more. But my bet is that most people will give you a hug, and talk to you.


Thank you for all your replies.
I did have the lady phone me up yesterday, she is called a social prescriber and she was actually very nice.
I told her the GP misunderstood what I was trying to tell him. She told me if I needed extra support she could help and told me there was going to be a bereavement support group setting up in the next town only a mile down the road and would let me know when it starts.
So some good did come out of an awful doctor’s appointment.
Debbie x

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Hi Debbie

I’ve never heard of a social subscriber before. What is her role?

Julie x

Love your comment Becki, thank you for making me smile…I’m going to have to try that one out.

Could not agree more re achievement to be dressed each day. I say, if I am vertical & relatively clean it’s been a good day.

Be kind to yourselves & take care x

Hi Julie, this is what it says about them on my GP webpage. I hadn’t heard of them before either.


You are correct, people only see what we want them to see, they never see us late at night, alone, crying for what used to be. My face ached from putting on a smile. When I was asked if I was okay I just replied, ‘plodding on’ because that was what I did when Peter died and still do it today, get through it one day at a time.