My partner passed away on 7th November, we were together 10 years but didn’t live together, but I spent 4 nights a week at her house and everything we did was at her house.
She made me the sole executor of her will, and this week (with the help of her best friend) we have been clearing her home of her personal possessions, her bedroom, clothes, shoes etc, all donated to charity, as well as the bathroom with all her bits and pieces, book shelves etc, to the point the only things left is furniture. The house is being left to cancer research. I have also had estate agents around to value the house. It’s fair to say the wheels are now firmly turning.
I now feel awful though, back to where I was weeks ago, not eating well, not sleeping well, and feeling like she is getting further away. Once the house gets sold I worry my whole sense of purpose will go with it, I’ve carried out her wishes as executor, The money left to friends and relatives will be distributed, and the house will be a memory, what’s left for me? What will be my purpose? I just want to be with her now, so when all this is complete, what’s the point in carrying on?
Hello @Ade188,
I’m sorry to hear about your partner. This step - getting things in order - can be so hard and final feeling. I’m hearing how painful this is all feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s always someone out there to help you through this.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please get in touch with one of these services if you need to.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Hello, I felt like you did, you get so busy with the admin that when that is done you do feel like your back to the day they passed.
I found just giving myself time to grieve & not force myself into thinking of a new life helped, Im sure your partner will be so thankful to you for following their wishes.
I know it doesn’t compare but the family car broke down & was too expensive to repair so.i knew i.had to let it go. & get a new one, it was hard because I could see my husband & my dad who passed away 6 months before in it but in my memory I can still see them in that car & of course photos with them & the car in the background, have you got photos of happy.times spent together in the house? That may help?
Yes I have lots of photos, in fact for Christmas 2024 I had a collage of photos made for her and framed of our holiday to Vietnam & Cambodia, as well as countless photos in my phone. These are painful to look at though. I know she would be proud of me for doing everything she asked, and that’s what keeps me going for now. It’s still the end that haunts me though, once my sense of purpose and being needed have gone, I also do not have children so no real focus in the future, and having suffered depression before, albeit 20 years go, I know what it can do, and that path has come back into view.
I lost my wife in October just gone! Her clothes and everything is still here. I am awaiting her children to help decide what they would like, so that they can remember their mum. Life is very hard! The evenings especially. I have started back at work to fill my days. I am fortunate that I am solvent and work for myself. Part of me dreads the thought of things being removed from the house. As while they are here, a part of her is here. Her pictures are all over the house and they will stay. But her personal things might be wanted my her children which is what she wanted and quite right too.
I so terribly miss her, life has lost any meaning for me, I feel I am just going through the motions.
I feel your pain so much. Getting rid of personal posessions is so difficult. I have two ‘memory boxes’ which are filled with some clothes, and posessions that meant something to me or us both.
They are safely put away & i dont know how often i’ll look at them, but i know they are there when needed.
Nothing can replace her actually being here, but i do believe that keeping items that are important to you can bring some comfort, knowing they are there to touch or look at whenever you choose.
I think that’s a good idea, and maybe something tha I’ll look at a bit later.
It’s just the finality of it all! I knew it would come as she fought bravely for over two years of Chemotherapy! She was a strong woman, a nurse of over 40 years! Taken far too soon! She had a list of things she wanted to achieve which she manged to do! Reaching 60 in May last year was one of them.
Such a terrible waste and so many plans unforfilled.
I literally could have written that myself, my partner was a strong woman, in the Police for 35 years, and passed away aged 58 from cancer.
It really is a cruel disease.
I am so sorry for your loss
I found at first I couldn’t look at the photos without feeling a punch in the guts but now I can look at them & feel a warm feeling at the memory behind the picture.
In respect of the future you will rebuild a life that you can live in, but that’s in the future at the moment just look at the present day and let the future take care of itself.
My dad died 10 years ago and I still can’t go near his favourite McDonald’s without feeling overwhelmed with grief. But some day I’ll be able to walk in and sit down in his favourite seat by the window. I know this because I can look at photos of him now and smile at the happy memories, I can laugh at funny things he used to say, I can give myself advice using his words. I can even use his gardening tools and feel the connection without bursting into tears. It may take me another ten years to walk into his favourite McDonald’s or I may never get there, but I’m not going to force the grieving process to speed up. I think this is natural and has to happen at its own pace. I will pray that you find comfort in your grief and that it gives you strength and courage.