Coming up to 9months and I’m feeling worse than ever

It’s coming up to 9 months since my mom passed away quite suddenly.
I thought I was coping pretty well but these last few weeks have been awful.
Having bad dreams, constant reminders, and visions of the time that she passed.
Everyday there is some kind of reminder that triggers my emotions and takes me back to having to watch her pass. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone, I don’t want to be a burden on everyone. I am the strong one who is always there for everyone else, and whenever someone asks how I am, I say I am fine, but that couldn’t be any further from the truth.
My husband works at the hospital where she passed away, and each time I go and pick him up it’s a constant reminder of the final journey we took in the ambulance on blue lights. I struggle to sleep at night as I have bad dreams, and dreams that mom has come back and then I wake up to the reality that she is gone. I just can’t get the images out of my head of moms final hours and the huge amount of guilt I feel for not being able to help her. I thought time was a healer but I seem to be feeling worse as the time passes. I am dreading Christmas this year and that’s all everyone is talking about, it’s just not going to be the same.
I just don’t know what to do!


Hello @Lucyp85,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are struggling to manage your feelings of guilt and loss.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,


Hi Lucyp85,

I’m sorry for your loss.

I relate to what you describe in terms of thinking you are coping pretty well and then having periods where the grief feels raw and traumatic.

My dad died just over ten months ago and I am now in the territory of the one year anniversary looming. September to Nov 2022 was unexpectedly dad’s final weeks of life and I feel like I have no patience or control over my emotions at the moment.

When dad first died all I could remember was him being sick and his final days in hospice. He died only 8 weeks after diagnosis and deteriorated rapidly. It was very upsetting to watch him become frail and pass away. As the months passed I then started to remember my dad as he was prior to being ill and this gave me some comfort, but when I get periods (sometimes weeks at a time) where the doom and intense sadness sets in my mind goes over dad’s final weeks and days and it’s very distressing.

I have found the whole of this first year without my dad to be very disorientating. One moment it feels like I’m coping a bit better and then at any moment it feels like the rug can be pulled out from under me and life without my dad feels impossible. Then it switches back again and I once again think I must keep trying and be ok for dad! I know he wants that for me.

Have you considered grief counselling or speaking with your GP at all? You don’t have to answer but just thinking it might be someone to listen who you don’t feel like you need to be strong for.

My dad died Nov 2022 so we had Christmas and New year not long after he died. I think I was in a state of shock at the time but my mum and I spent it abroad with my brother and his family. I couldn’t face being here without him. Someone on another thread suggested possibly creating new routines and traditions which I will try to do.

A rambling reply but I just wanted to say you are not alone. I don’t feel like time is a healer either (yet).

Here if you want to chat.



Sorry for your loss, I know what you mean about feeling one minute you are managing the best you can and then the next minute the grief hits you just like it did when they first passed away. Its been nearly 8 months since my dad passed away and I too am dreading Christmas, everyone is talking about it and I dont even want to think about it.

Take care

Vicky x