Hi all im in need of some advice its almost a year since i lost my partner of more than 20 years and i feel like things are getting worse not better i have lots of people around me but they just dont get how i feel ive spent the past week crying but trying to do all the normal things like work and looking after the children is getting too much all i can think of is not wanting to be here but i have to for my children how do i start to feel even a little normal.
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Hi Red71, it will be 1 year tomorrow for me as well. Been crying more for the past couple of weeks, thought I was getting better at coping but like you it all seems to be getting worse. Got to keep thinking it will get easier.
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@Red71
I think it’s completely normal to feel how you do over the anniversary. I pretty much shut down for a few weeks. It caught me out how bad I felt on the anniversary of his funeral too.
I have tried to view this, now I’m through all the firsts, as my own personal new year, but am still taking it very gently.
I think part of the problem is that the longer it is the more people expect of you and that pressure has a negative effect on us, actually making it all feel even worse.
Remember if you’re coping with kids and working, whilst going through grief that most of your peer group probably have little experience of, then you are being amazing.
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Red 71,
So very sorry for your loss ,the 1st of everything is so difficult,
On my husband 1st Angelversary I went to his favorite place for a meal with his cousin
On our wedding anniversary I went to the cemetery,with his favorite tipple and played his favorite music
I will be 3 years in October on this horrendous journey,
Big hugs take care,
Susie
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Hi suzy56 im sorry to hear your going through the same as me because this loving it torture at the minute i hope and pray we both get through the next few months
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It really is that people think because we carry on and smile when we need to that were ok but im truly at my lowest right now and cant think of a future maybe locking mysrlf away is the answer but i feel so lonely even when i have people around me
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Red71
I can relate to how you feel.My dear wife passed in February.My cousin took me out for a meal in a local pub a few weeks ago but i just felt so alone because my dear wife was not beside me.Take care
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Hi, I’m in exactly the same position as you. My husband died in November last year, 6 weeks after a lung cancer diagnosis. He came home from the hospital on my 60th birthday, they told me he had probably weeks possibly months, he died 9 days later. I will never get over him dying beside me and I have to accept that. I sob every day but that’s ok, the worst thing is when people think they can fix you, grief can’t be fixed xxx
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You are completely right grief cannot be fixed we just have to try and cope the best we can, sort of trying tosurvive and exist rather than live the life we used to know and love when our dear loved ones were beside us.No one really understands unless they have been through and going through what we are.I have found this site gives me support and everyone is so understanding.I am so sorry for your loss and what happened.Take care
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I can relate to all of these posts. It is now just over a year since i lost my civil partner Jenny and I thought that on the whole I was coping well. Now I find that I feel more in pieces than before but realise that this grief journey is just that, that it may change but it never ends and that I am beginning to realise that I will never ben the same person because of this experience
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Totally understand, I’m in exactly the same position but without children. It will be a year in November for me but it doesn’t change anything. I think the only help I can offer is something that helped me a little, the thought that the deeper the love the deeper the grief, it’s our way of respecting the love we had (have) for each other. Please try and be happy x
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We too had no children.Its so true what you said, the deeper the love the deeper the grief.I just find everything so difficult at the moment.The loneliness and emptyness, missing even the small things.Take carex
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Hi I too lost my husband a year ago after 42 years. I can assure you if people have never been in our position they do not understand and they never will until they have gone through this and unfortunately their often well meaning words show their lack of understanding. I have learnt that you do need to surround yourself with people who have gone through what we have gone through because in a nutshell they get it. I have three new friends who have lost their husbands and they talk more sense then anyone else I still see - most of our old couple friends having drifted away. I would seek out a group for people in your situation. The people I have met have literally saved me. It doesn’t take away that awful feeling in your stomach every day but believe me it does help. I send you love X
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Thankyou everyone for your kind words nothing at all about this is easy but my children keep me going