What is compassion. The dictionary says “Sympathetic pity and concern for the suffering and misfortune of others”.
Oh no! That does not do the word justice. It’s not pity or sympathy but empathy. “Entering into the suffering of another as if it were your own”.
We can all do that here because we are all aware of the same pain expressed individually.
Compassion, I am sorry to say, is not common in today’s society. People often say things that can upset us and give little thought to what they say. But compassion applies to them too.
It’s also about forgiveness. “How many times should I forgive, Lord, seven times? “No, seventy times seven”. This is so difficult for most of us. If someone hurts us emotionally we tend to hold on to the hurt. It may remain in our minds and can cause bad emotional responses.
I don’t believe for one moment anyone here sets out to hurt another. But words do have meaning which can sometimes be painful.
Love is compassion. If you love unconditionally you are expressing compassion.
All the major religions put love at the head of their teaching. Christ spread love wherever He went. Buddhist use the word ‘compassion’ as we use the word ‘love’. ‘Love to all sentient beings’.
As we all know too well here, real love resides in the heart not the head. We can talk endlessly about love but unless we practice it it’s useless.
We become “A sounding brass and a tinkling cymbal”, as St.Paul says.
'Love, Hope, and charity”. The most important of which is love.
Hope can follow love. Can we go forward with love and hope?
Blessings to all. Hugs and love.

Hi Jonathan. As always interesting questions. I have started my reply several times. Let’s try this one.
Yes, we can only move forward if there is Iove and hope Either love to someone or something bigger than life, love to our loved ones or love to ourselves. May be all three. However, we may be forgetting to love ourselves a bit because we are hurting so much.
As for hope, hope is future, hope is our drive. Hope all is ok, hope everyone is fine, hope for bettercwesther, hope we can recover, hope we can meet them again, hope we are forgiven and so on. The combination of that hope and love we can make another day. Which is weaker in our present time?
I wad/is very much a private person (we both were). I never thought I would join a forum to expressed my feelings… why I had my husband my soul mate. (glad I joined).
May be when I lost all hope i learnt that to move forward i have to search for that lost hope. The love was always there.
Wherever there is love there must be hope . Is that right?
“Love hope and charity” … magic words.
Thank you Jonathan love and blessings De.

Sorry about typos…

Hi. De. Thanks so much for your response.
There’s so much in your post that asks questions. Unless we do question ourselves and the way we react to circumstances we will never find peace. I’m not talking about morbid introspection. That’s giving in and up a blind alley with no light at the end.
To me love overrides all things, even death. It’s because love is universal, real unconditional love which is not the love we are used to.
You are right. To love something bigger than ourselves does not mitigate in any way our love for our lost loved ones. It’s all part of the same thing. Well, not a part because real love can’t be divided. It’s wholeness is totally complete.
Grief seems like personal pain, but, like love it’s universal. My pain is none the less than a bereaved mother in Syria. The circumstances are different but the pain is the same.
Who is to say how much another suffers because their circumstances are different? Having a billion pounds in the bank at this moment would not relieve the pain.
I agree with you. We tend to neglect ourselves when in pain, but we should try, just try to be as kind to ourselves as our loved ones would have been.
Your remarks about by losing hope you gain it is spot on. If we just give up all attempts at explanations and expectancy and give up the struggle something happens. Give up!!! Now that’s not giving in, which is totally different.
Emotions will out in some way. Bottling them up can lead to physical problems.
Trying to control emotions can be another problem. Giving up is losing control over events, not trying to control gives you control. This is the paradox in grief and anxiety. We become afraid of our own feelings.
Yes, where there is real love there is always hope. Hope is almost indefinable. It’s the possibility of better things to come. Not forgetting, no way, but remembering the love we had and that peace that ‘passes all understanding’ may be ours.
Because of the pain of bereavement I feel more loving and caring than I have ever felt. It does have a flip side. So, as Winston Churchill put it, ‘Let us go forward together’.
Love hugs and Blessings.

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All so well said Jonathan. How true is you last paragraph. Bereavement makes you feel more loving and caring. This feeling should help to find that inner peace that, will bring us together again with our loved ones, despite the immeasurable distance called time.
I am learning also to be more patience perhaps because a lot of thing that we gave importance once, are no longer.
Any way let’s go back to searching…

There were three wise men who decided to hide “peace” for the human race to find. Two of them suggested either the bottom of the sea or out in space. The third wiseman pointed out that there was no doubt that someone would discover some device or system to get to get there. Then he said. I know! If we hide it in their hearts, they will be so busy looking everywhere… but!

In our bereavement journey, I often have low and bad days, with feelings if guikt, fear, loneliness. Feel numbed and live these days on autopilot mode. I SHOULD remind myself where exactly, “peace” has been hidden away.
I hope my reply didn’t get lost in translation and trust that it will mean something to some one.

Take care and blessings De xx


How lovely De. Yes it’s all in our hearts. Where else.? But that’s right, we do look everywhere… but! A wonderful story.
Peace can only come from within. I have searched all my life for that ‘peace that passes all understanding’. I know it’s there and I like to think our loved ones have found it. I have had glimpses at odd times, as if a window opens and closes.
You talk of ‘the immeasurable distance called time’. But is it that? As I type this I am living in the only time we can live in. NOW! You will get this message in ‘time’, but it will still be the now.
We all know that we plan and worry about the future even before bereavement. Perhaps the shock sets us on a different path. We change; how can we not with this pain. Christian, in ‘The Pilgrim’s Progress’ sat in the castle of giant Despair called ‘Doubting Castle’ for weeks, beaten and tortured. Suddenly he reached in his breast pocket and found the key called Hope which opened all the doors in the castle. It was there all the time and he and his companion came out free.
There are many doors in that awful place. Pain, tears, hopelessness, fear, apprehension, anxiety, distrust…but one key unlocks them all.
Easy? Of course it’s not, but what’s easy in this terrible journey. If we try and force hope it has a habit of kicking us back. It has to come at it’s own pace, but the secret is to make room for it, give it time and space to occur naturally.
Your reply did not get lost, not at all. I always feel that if only one person reads a post and gets some little hope, some little peace from it, then it’s done its job
Bless you De. Take care. XX


Hi Jonathan. I Iiked that parabola from the pilgrims progress.
I so much want to find the key to to those awful feelings that come and go like none business. When I think I have found a bit of peace, there they are, when. The fear i have when i wake up feeling that all that grief couldnt be true. Then, it is true and my search starts again.
O lije thst wiseman said … " if you are going through hell keep going"…( it will be 10 months on Saturday) …
Keep well and take care Love De xx