I’m struggling with the loss of 3 of my siblings over the past 25 years. I’m the youngest of a large family (8 of us over a 20 year period); I’m now 51 and supposedly a grown up but I feel like a child. My eldest sister died on 7th December 2018, her funeral was last week. She was diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer 48 hours prior to her passing. This was almost exactly the same scenario as we experienced with my eldest brother, who died in 2014. The first loss was my middle sister, who died aged 40 in 1994, when I was 27. My parents were both still alive then and I think my focus at that time was on helping them through their grief. They passed away in 2001 (mum) and 2010 (dad). I am feeling all of these losses as if they have all just happened, it feels so raw again. Is that normal? I’m exhausted and have no energy or patience for anything beyond work. My husband and son (13) have been amazing and have given me space when I’ve needed it. However I’m feeling disappointed with my closest friends, who’ve known me since before my first sister passed away; I don’t feel they’ve given me the support I need or been there to listen when I’ve needed it. With every loss I’ve realised that most people don’t know how to cope with someone who is grieving. Nobody wants to upset you so they avoid the subject and in some cases avoid you completely. I wondered if anyone else had experienced this?
Each loss we experience,brings our other losses back,no matter how many years,and with each loss we lose another part of our support and comfort blanket around us.And yes many on here have experienced the same avoidance and distance placed between us by people in our lives,who don’t know what to say or say something that we may find personally inappropriate.Grief is so personal and until experienced ,which sadly it is inevitable and everyone will,there is not a true understanding of the depth of pain and change it brings to us.I’m sorry for all your loss in your life,i understand i have lost many too,each is a different relationship we have ,so we feel all different emotions attached to that loss.Iv’e stopped paying too much attention to how others react to my grief,as i understand they don’t understand.Take care hugs to you x
Thanks for your reply. I really like your way of expressing that you understand that they don’t understand. I’m going to keep that in mind. I know it’s not deliberate and to be honest I’ve been on the other side, not knowing how to support a friend in pain. You are so right all our losses are as unique as the person we loved and completely personal to us. Your words have helped me reflect on my journey, thank you xx