Hi Everyone. Well I’m 9 months in after Steve my Husband died. I’m so so lonely. I get no support from my family. I’m a nuisance to them.
This week I have a job interview & although I am more than qualified for the job my confidence is gone & I’m trying not to talk myself out of attending.
Just after Steve died I started a new job & was sacked. They said my head wasn’t in the right space & I was making too many mistakes. I feel so ashamed. I m 53 now. Have worked since I was 16 & never been fired.
Some of you might know that after Steve died I had to rehome our pup. I’m disabled at present & she was a v v strong dog & after pulling me over a few times I had to make the 2nd worse decision of my life. The family who have her send me pics & now she’s really ill after swallowing a pigs trotter has had at least 3 surgeries & the next 10 days are critical.
I have cried for her every day since I let her go in March & I feel so bad as she’s now ill.
I realise how grief & loneliness make you feel but with the added sacking, constant acute pain & craving for my pup I just don’t see how I can carry on anymore.
I try to make a list to do each day & I try to go out but I know I am isolated now. Guilt & grief & shame are disgusting feelings & I truly wouldn’t wish how I’m feeling on anyone.
I hope I do attend the interview.
I hope I don’t start crying.
And I hope my beautiful pup makes it through.
I can’t believe Steve’s gone.
I thought I would be coping better than this.
Sorry if reading this makes you sad. Xxxx
Just take one day at a time or an hour at a time if that’s what you can manage. There will be a job out there for you. When you go for interview be honest and tell them how you feel. Decent people will understand. What type of job is it. Don’t put yourself down. You have been through a lot. Keep telling yourself you are a strong and confident woman and eventually you will believe it. I will be thinking about you sending a hug x
Hiya Nel, I do that too!! Sometimes I get through 30 mins at a time…even at work!! Thanks for your kind words. Xx A
So my darling pup has been PTS. She was starving to death & was really ill. Her new owners called me to let Me know how bad things were.Devastated doesn’t cover how I feel. I’ve failed my beautiful.pup, Steve’s dream dog & the guilt is killing me. I loved that dog so.much but I thought I was giving her a better life as I was disabled & Steve died. My heart is smashed. It will never recover from this. My family don’t get it. My other 2 dogs I’ve had from pup to death over a period of 25 years. I can’t stop crying & for the 1st time since “EMDR” counselling I heard Steve’s screams last night. I am completely shattered by Phoebes being ill & dying & it’s not yet a year since Steve died.
So went up to where Steve is scattered & told him about Phoebes. Just having a quick glass wine before I go. Hands are shaking but today I’ve got up, showered,dressed,hobbled to flower shop & been to visit Steve. Am so v v v v v sad.
Good for you for getting out…I lost my mum in February and the the strength of the grief has knocked me off my feet…2 weeks after mum passed we lost out 16yr old staffie. He died in our arms after a short illness…Then I had to end my relationship with my partner because he just wasn’t supportive and I believe he’s a narcissist…The constant blows have just culminated in depression but I have to take each day and try and process it all…If you can only function, like me, that is enough…I try and remember the saying “You don’t know how strong you are until its the only choice you’ve got” it’s helps to try and remember all the other things you’ve got through in life…I have no choice but to go out food shopping so at least I get out…Good luck.
Hi Elle66 ty so much. I love Staffies. I’ve had 2, Poppy & Amber. Look after yourself. Hugs x