Confused/ numb!

It’s been 9 months now since I lost my dad! It’s not sinking in at all that I will never see him again! In fact each day it gets harder and harder! I look at photos and feel nothing as if I didn’t even know the person then other times I cry and hurt like hell! I don’t seem to be able to accept he’s not here and I’m wondering if I grieved him while he was still with us! I saw a video of him today of him acting the clown that he was enjoying the last holiday he had acting as if there was nothing wrong! I know he lived he’s life to the full and always said life’s to short live it! I’ve been taking antidepressants since he passed which are helping me but just lately I’m starting to feel trapped suffocated people say my feelings are normal but I don’t feel normal I’m starting to feel depressed again! Has anyone gone through how I’m feeling! I know it won’t happen but I just want my dad!

Dear Carley,

Welcome back to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry your dad died, he seems like an amazing person, and it sounds as though you’re having a really hard time coming to terms with his death.

Nine months is not a very long time when you have lost someone, but if you’re feeling depressed, it would be good if you could access some extra support, maybe with a counselor or a support group. A good first step would be to talk to your GP and see if they can refer you. You can also contact Cruse Bereavement Care:

If there’s anything I can help with, just let me know.

Best wishes,


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