Hi I’m new to this but looking for some answers. I know this sounds silly but my nan has been gone for over 22 years I think I was 10 at the time still in primary school. She lived with us and we were very close. I can remember the day I was told like yesterday. I remember her being ill but being 10 your not really told a lot you just get on with your life and hope everything’s ok I didn’t realise my nan was so ill and that she had cancer and that cancer could kill I was 10!! I’m now 32 and soooo confused, I’ve had a few things happen in the past 2 years which have caused me to have a little depression but these evens have also made me do a lot of thinking, I also have worked in a care home with the elderly for 17 years and watching my friends leave this world and there family’s suffering is starting to hit home.
I keep wondering if my nan had suffered, was she in pain?? And that no one told me my nan was dyeing! I could have said good bye. Or even just visited her more often!
I’m confused! Could I be greifing for my nan after all this time??

Sorry for the long post

Thanks H x

Hi Lewlew84,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your nan and how it is still affecting you. There is no timeline on grief, and people say that you don’t really get over it, but you do learn to live alongside it and move forward with your life.

You were very young at the time, and it sounds as though your family didn’t really explain what was going on. Perhaps this has made it harder for you to process your emotions and delayed your grieving process?

It is never too late to get some support and I’m glad you have taken the step of sharing things here. Many people find that this site helps them to work through their feelings and feel less alone. I have found some other users who lost a family member at a young age, who you might be interested to talk to.

EmBeth_1994 lost her dad as a teenager and is still struggling:

Grimberts lost their grandad:

Illneverbethesame, Gemgems82 and David’s, all lost a parent over 10 years ago:

You may also want to consider some counselling to talk through everything with a neutral person and get some support with processing everything that happened.

If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this site, just let me know.