Consumed by grief

I feel so consumed by grief. My mom died 2 months ago. She was in hospital and we had no idea what was wrong h til 1 1/2 hours before she died. So no time to process. She had ovarian cancer that had spread, she had been I happy for 12 days and they only found out the night before after they did a CT scan.

The last 2 months have been full on organising the funeral, thanksgiving service, then it was my sicker wedding anniversary and last week we went to Paris. Now it’s all over and this is the new reality.

I feel so lost in it all, there is such a massive void in my life. I am trying to be present for the sake of my husband, kids, dad. But I just want to shut myself away. I am physically and mentally tired of it all.

I have talked to my husband this morning. Who is very lovely and supportive. But he didn’t choose the right words today. He said people might think my reaction is extreme! I suffer with depression and anxiety and I am on the autistic spectrum. I seem to have it all together but it’s so hard. I am really high functioning so mask a lot. In the last 4 years my Nan died. Then during 2020 the night of Covid and lockdowns my aunt died in the April of Covid having been on a ventilator for 3 weeks, then my uncle died in Sept of cancer. Couldn’t be with my cousins because of Covid or go to the funerals. Then in Oct 2020 my father in law died of cancer, we had 5 weeks of hell. My son tested positive for Covid on the day my father in law died so we couldn’t go or see the family. Last year 2 work colleagues died & now my beloved mom has died. I fought for 6 months for someone to listen to us, they all just dismissed her because of pre existing conditions.

I am feeling really low and sad. How is this my new normal? I want to see my GP, but he is not there until Friday. I don’t like seeing anyone else as he knows me well as I have seen the same one for the last 5 years.

Grief is just so hard. Am I being ‘extreme’? This is how I feel and I can’t change that. Work are bot being sympathetic or that is my perception.


Hello @Becca_d,

I’m so sorry to hear about you recent losses. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed by the grief.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,


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Hi You aren’t being extreme. My mam died 7 years ago today and my dad 9 months tomorrow, they were both let down by the health service and I am so angry about that I feel the same way as you people say they will be there for you but then they are not just told you have to get on with life, take care and look after yourself

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I am so sorry for your losses. That is really tough. I have literally had 2 hours sleep. There is so much to process. Thankfully I am not at work today.

I hope that you are able to get some help and supports

Hi @Becca_d it sounds like you’ve had a very painful and grief stricken few years. I think how you’re feeling is entirely understandable. Everyone grieves in their own way and to their own timescale. Have a read on this forum and it will help you to see that what you’re experiencing is very normal. Tell your husband so that he can support you with love and consideration for your grief. Take care, best wishes xx

Thank you. We have talked some more and have understood what we are both saying. I feel so sad, I had 2 hours sleep last night. Thankfully I had the day off work.

It had been a rough few years and losing my mom has totally rocked my world, I fought so hard for her and no one listened. It breaks my heart that she did not have a good death. I honestly don’t know how I will ever move on from this feeling.


@Becca_d somehow you will find that your feelings will shift over time. Sadly we can’t ever go back to change the past so the only way is forwards. My Mum died suddenly and unexpectedly. She died on her own after collapsing on her driveway and wasn’t discovered until the next morning. I’ve agonised a lot about this but ultimately I can’t change what happened so I’m trying hard to remember the happier memories throughout her life. It’s a work in progress still after nine months has passed since her death. Take your time, best wishes xx

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That is so sad for you all. I think now that things are over and settling the reality is kicking in. I am struggling a lot at work, I am a careers advisor in a high school and I have to sit and talk to kids about their future. I can barely function for daily tasks. I am very isolated at work too which is hard.

Take care x