Coping alone after wife passed away

My wife passed away 2 weeks ago after being in hospital after being in for a week for expected menapause issues. Had been diagnosed with a polyp and fibroid. She turned 53 in January. I’m 49 and we have been married for nearly 23 years. We was in an extremely loving relationship.
It turned out to be cancer of womb, lungs, bone marrow and lymph nodes + organ failure. The week previous she had walked into a and e. She had been treated poorly by hospital and diagnosed wrongly by doctor’s.
We don’t have children and I’m lost. My life feels like it is over and keep feeling it would be better to join her than staying in this pain.
No one understands how this feels which is why I’m reaching here

I’m so sorry for you, I don’t think anybody understands what it is like to lose your soulmate unless it has happened to them, this happened so suddenly you had no time to get your head around it, I did have about 3 months to discuss things with my husband and I also have 2 children, but they don’t live close by, I spent the first few weeks in tears wondering how I was going to cope, but slowly it became easier, I tried to keep really busy, basically so I didn’t have time to think, there is no right or wrong way to cope with grief, just take a day at a time, sending you love and strength xx

Hi. Jay and Allison. So sorry for your loss your Wife. Like yourself I live in North Kent. This time last year I was about to have Radiotherapy for Prostate cancer. As I finished treatment in June/July. My wife was suffering a bad back. GP was treating Penny :heart: for Siatica. On October 17th Penny collapsed in the bedroom taken to local hospital and diagnosed with Mets breast cancer. Penny :heart: transferred to the oncology centre at a different hospital and passed away on the 6th November just 21 days after diagnosis

Thank you. I have felt so alone I don’t have family to speak of and my wife leaves her mum who is 87 and housebound. If it wasn’t that I promised in her final hours to look after her I couldn’t see the point of still being here. I know saying and doing is different but the pain has been indescribable

Hi JayandAllison. I know how you are feeling grief is horrible . Last Friday would have been Penny :heart: and myself 49th wedding anniversary. Saturday was 7 months since Penny :heart: passed away. Met Penny :heart: when she was 16 in May 1969. Married Penny :heart: when she was 18 on 5th June 1971. We lived 15 doors from one another in the same road in Chatham. Penny​:heart: was 67.

Life can really suck at times. Never expected to be in this situation at the age of 49. Life was really in a good enjoyable place.

Believe me I understand how it feels.
The disbelief, the shock, the raw pain and the desperation .
Sadly, knowing I understand won’t make you feel any better .
Like you we didn’t have children and I feel trapped in a life without him .
I hope you find some support and comfort on this site. If you can find a counsellor to talk to it may help you to talk to somebody impartial.
Sadly friends and family aren’t always helpful at times like this.Take time to grieve for your lovejy wife . I wish i could help you more , warmest wishes at this saddest of times.Sadrne.

Please reach out on this forum. I know how you feel at times life is unbearable. Like you say you want to be with your lovely wife I feel the same. Grief will take time for you and myself. At the moment I have been in touch with Cruse bereavement councilling. They also have a support line that you can talk to a support councillor if you feel this would help.

Hello JayandAllison.

I’m so sorry to hear about the very recent death of your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement they offer a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677,, I notice Freddie 107 has recommended them too. I hope you will get some comfort from posting on the forum, please continue to reach out and know we are always here for you.

Thank you. I did contact cruse but it felt I was taking too much of there time via chat box

Hello JayandAllison. Thanks for replying. I’m sure the counsellor at Cruse wouldn’t have minded how long you chatted for, they are very good listeners, as are our own counsellors. Maggie’s Centres also offer bereavement support groups (cancer-focused). You may find a centre here: Please consider contacting one of the counselling services I have provided. All counsellors are trained, empathic and knowledgeable. If you find contacting them difficult, please continue to post on the community for support. Take care.

Thank you. Just so hard knowing what to do. Nothing can prepare you for this. Thank you for the links

Hi JayandAllison. Please private message me for a chat at anytime. It seems we live in the same area. I know how things can be over powering.

Going to bed and waking up without her is do hard. Just wish that pain would go away. She was a nurse so I keep thinking she is on a night shift. But I know she not. I keep reliving the last minutes with her which is extremely precious. But is also so painful…

Hi JayandAllison. Like yourself those last moments are still strong in our minds. And waking up and that one Special person in our lives is no longer with us. And that hurts so much. Penny :heart: worked for Safeway/Morrisons in Walderslade for 28 Years until she retried 5 years ago. Just now wished I had retried as well so that we could have had more time together. And now I have to face my own cancer and life on my own. All we can do is take one day at a time. I do understand how you are feeling and how Raw life is at this time. Grief is a horrible process and hard to go through. This is why this forum is a way of opening up to people who understand how are feeling at this present time and have a listening ear. Please try and stay strong as much as you can we all understand it’s not easy but there some very nice people on this forum knowing what we are going through.

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Sorry for your loss. Everyone on here is either going through their own loss right now or understands how bad this feels. I lost my husband 42 suddenly on 10th May and am completely heartbroken and at times I still say how can this be real but sadly it is. I am lucky to have 2 daughters living at home with me but I just try and take this day by day otherwise it’s just too painful to deal with. Keep posting when you feel like talking , everyone is so nice & supportive. It definitely does help to feel your not alone in this xx

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Today has been the closest I’ve been to end this pain. I know that’s not the right answer. But I can’t cope with the loss. I’ve had meltdowns all day. I’ve lost count. I’ve got so many good memories around me but the also remind me that they have ended.
I try to think of other things like other posts but the next meltdown soon arrives.
Never knew I could produce so many tears.
Being alone don’t help

Have you tried writing down your feelings? I’m going to start writing to Mark tomorrow as I’ve read many positive things about writing to our loved ones. Will try anything if it helps to be honest. I was crying so much earlier that I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I believe crying helps us heal as it releases the pain that we hold onto.
I just have the tv on in the background for a bit of noise and distraction. I really hope you manage to get a good sleep tonight and that tomorrow feels slightly better for you x

You have all my sympathy. I’m in a similar position. I lost my wife to lung cancer in May. I share your feeling of life being over and I think of being with her. I know it feels very lonely, but here on this forum, you are among friends, I am sure. I had longer with her following diagnosis, but it was anything but normal life, knowing the end was coming. When it did happen, I was totally unprepared. I’m not sure we can prepare. People tell me that the pain eases a bit with time. we have to hang on to that. But I’m with you. I understand. Rob

It is so hard. I’ve tried to write down my feelings. I’m now having councelling and they suggested that. But I get so upset then angry at the doctors not doing their job properly over the past 3-4 years that they suspected her to have the 4 cancers.
I then can’t write.
Just so unfair for us to go through this. I Never expected this at only 49