Coping one year on

Hi all

My mum passed away 11 months ago today. I can’t believe I’ve reached this point; it all seems like a blur at times. I’m very apprehensive about the 1-year anniversary on 16 February, partly because I’ve read the second year of grieving can be tougher for some than the first year.

My mum was 88 when she died (my dad died in 2016) and she had a peaceful end at home, as she wanted. Me and my two brothers – all in our fifties - helped care for her in the last 5 years of her life as her health declined, and she was in and out of hospital a lot with infections. A part of me recognises she is at peace now from being ill and she had reached her natural end, but a part of me still misses her so much also.

I already had mental health issues for many years before my mum’s health started to decline, so I don’t know if the depression and anxiety episodes I’ve been having recently, along with appetite and sleep issues, are purely down to grief or it’s more complex than that. One of my brothers has mental health problems as well. I don’t have a partner or children, my brothers – and a couple of cousins I stay in touch with - are my family and we all support each other.

I’ve been throwing myself into work as a way of coping (and maybe some grief avoidance?) which meant the recent holidays were hard going, that’s when I found this forum – which has helped a lot. I do have supportive colleagues and am on a waiting list to have therapy. I’ve also started reading some self-help books on grief.

I feel looking back that I was probably on autopilot to an extent for a lot of the last 11 months, which has helped get me through, but I worry that is wearing off now and I’ll struggle to cope with life in future without my parents. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with grief (almost) 1 year on? Many thanks.

Hello @Mikeville_70 ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds as though things are very confusing for you at the moment and you are feeling apprehensive as you move closer to the 1 year anniversary.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Another good place to get support is
●SANE - mental health helpline, specialist emotional support and information: Call 0300 304 7000|
They offer mental health support which you might find helpful.

Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, ,

Take care - keep reaching out,


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