It’s 7 weeks since my husband died, I’m bearly functioning, we had so many plans for our retirement but lockdown came 12 days after I retired then Keith was diagnosed with terminal cancer July 7th 2019, all our plans disappeared, I feel cheated & so angry that we never got to do the things we had planned, we never spoke about Keiths cancer it wasn’t something he wanted to do, think it was if I don’t talk about it it’s not going to happen, family & friends have been brilliant but they’re not her when I cry uncontrollably so much that I can’t breath, he was my whole world for 44 years I miss him so much
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Dear Renaultone
So sorry for your loss. It is very early days, the grief will be so raw. I lost my husband coming up to a year and the first few months were just a blur. I can relate to your feelings. I was only 4 months away from retiring. We had talked about what we were going to do as soon as travel restrictions were lifted - holiday of a lifetime, spending time with our little grandson and looking forward to another on the way. We were just finishing off building works in our bungalow, a property we had down-sized into in order to ‘future-proof’ for when we got elderly. We were together 42 years and married over 38 years. I too know the uncontrollable crying and longing for everything we have lost.
Thinking of you. x
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Same as you It feels so raw, tomorrow will (hopefully) be my first time going out on my own usually have my daughter or sister with me & then it’s in their car but I’m going to give it a go, feeling anxious as my biggest worry is seeing someone we know who will talk to me
Will be thinking of you. I have ventured out on a few occasions alone with varying degrees of success. Can understand your apprehension at seeing people but just do what you have to do to get through the trip.
Well I did it, not without a few tears but really proud of myself x
Glad you managed to get out. Yes the tears flow. I have travelled to a farm shop over 60 miles from our house where we always went and bought our meat supplies and had a meal. Also have now visited the location where we scattered my husband’s ashes on several occasions. Again this is quite a distance from our home and to be honest I could sometimes just keep driving. Running away from the existence that is always waiting for my return I suspect.
Again glad that you managed to get out today.
Sheila
My husband of 40 years was my whole life. I can’t believe the pain. I cry every day. You are not alone my friend. It’s a terrible journey we’re on.
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10 weeks & it’s still as raw & painful as it was the first day but I’m making a little progress, might seem very small steps but I’ve made my bed every day, showered & eating simple meals for the past week, time disappears & I’ll find my teas gone cold, the cup of tea that took me ages to motivate myself into making it
You are doing great. Be proud of your progress
Barbara
Hi Renaultone,
So sorry to hear of your loss,
I lost my grandma this year and feel cheated not being able to see her because of covid.
I know it’s a different situation but we have both lost a loved one. I feel I’ve lost a part of me. I feel angry and sad it’s a visious cycle every day.
I just wanted to say that you are not alone. My grandma had altzimas and to be honest I lost her a while ago. She was my best friend.
People tell you it will get better and yes it probably will but I think we just feel we need to hold on untill we can accept what we have lost.
I hope things start to feel better for you.
X