i’m new here and this is the first time getting these thoughts out of my head and into the world, so please bear with me.
my first experience with grief was when my nan (mum’s mum) died. i was 12. i hadn’t had a significant loss until this point. in the aftermath, i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, struggled with school and life in general massively.
i’m now 24, and in the last 5 years i have lost all 3 of my cats and 2 more grandparents.
the next loss following my nan was my youngest cat at the beginning of 2021. then my nan (dad’s step mum) died 2 days before Christmas the same year. then in October last year i lost my middle cat, shortly followed by my oldest cat on NYD. finally, and most recently, my grandad passed away at the beginning of February. 3 big losses very close together.
since my grandad’s death, all i can think about is everyone i’ve lost. the world keeps turning and everyone around me already seems to have moved on but i can’t. i keep quiet, carry my grief alone because nobody else seems to understand. i feel like there’s something wrong with me. like i shouldn’t be feeling like this. like people die everyday, it’s a part of life, get over it. but i don’t want to. and i can’t. i think about them constantly, and whilst i’m not “actively” suicidal, i’d give anything to be with them, wherever they are, than here without them.
i know my reaction to and the way i cope with grief is different to others. i fully acknowledge that. i’m not sure what i want to get out of this post. maybe someone to tell me i’m not alone in these feelings. i don’t know.
Thank you for your courage in sharing this with the community. I’m so sorry to hear about all the losses you’ve experienced, from your first significant loss at 12 to the recent losses in the past five years, and how these have affected you. You’re certainly not alone in how you’re feeling.
Please know that there is nothing wrong with you, and as you’ve said, there’s no right or wrong way to experience grief.
I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Loss as a young adult category yet. But there you can connect with other members who have experienced losses and who will understand some of what you’re going through.
You might also want to check out Let’s Talk About Loss. They run peer-led groups for 18 - 35 year olds. You can find your local group on their website:
Hi lonelyghost, I’m sorry to hear about your bereavements. In life we have to accept that people die. Hopefully our loved ones lives to an old age before that happens which isn’t always the case, as in my wife. At least one hopes that the order is kept and the first people who die are our grandparents. Your grandparents have witnessed your entrance into life, they have been watching you grow from a baby, to a child, to a teenager and to an adult. They have watched with pride throughout your life with the hope that you have a fulfilling life. They are now watching you from heaven and you have to try and give them something worth watching. Take advantage of all the love they have given and give a little love to others. At the end that is the most important. Love.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hello lonely ghost, so very sorry to hear about the passing of your loved ones and of course your precious cats. We all grieve differently, and probably always will, our loved ones had such an impact in our lives and yes its hard to let go, we will always have them in our hearts and our memories. I lost my husband 8 weeks ago, and it has been very hard on me as well. I know I will be reunited with my husband one day, but in the meantime I have to make the most of what life has to offer. You take care of yourself, you have your whole life ahead of you yet. God bless you
Dear @lonelyghost13 im sorry for your losses. Please dont be hard on yourself- hopefully what you will realise from reading other peoples stories on this site is that how you are feeling is completely normal. If you have friends who haven’t yet experienced loss, it can be isolating as they may not understand and can make you feel like you should have “moved on”. But there is no timeline for grief, and everyone’s grief is as unique as they are. I lost my Dad unexpectedly when I was 27 and no one around me had experienced a parental loss so early, so I found counselling was a safe place that I could be honest about my feelings and to receive help to process what I was feeling. That may be something you might want to consider?
Support groups for bereavement are also great places to chat more informally with people who are in a similar situation, so they just “get it”. Ive never used the Lets Talk About Loss service thar Harriet mentions, but that sounds like a good option as its aimed at a younger age group.
There are also some great podcasts out there just to listen to how others cope with loss - I used to listen to Griefcast with Cariad Lloyd and Good Mourning with Sal and Im.
Please know youre not alone, there are plenty of people here that want to support each other. Take good care
I think you’re being very hard on yourself for feeling grief really deeply especially after so many losses. We all experience it differently and your feelings are perfectly normal. It’s difficult for others to understand how you feel especially if they’ve not experienced loss themselves. Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you will get over things quickly. I lost my partner seven and a half months ago and it’s hell. You may want to try counselling, sometimes it helps. Your GP can refer you but some of the waiting lists are long. Interact with friends but explain how you’re feeling. If they’re good friends they’ll understand.
