Coping With Grief

Tell yourself that grief is normal.
Grief is very, very painful. However, working through this pain is necessary in order to heal and move on from a great loss. Try to resist the urge to shut down, go numb, or pretend like your loved one has not died. Do not deny that something bad has happened to you and that you are hurting. Grieving is healthy: it is not a sign of weakness.

Expect to feel anger.
After the reality of the death sets in, you might feel angry. You might direct your anger at anything: at yourself, at your family, at your friends, at people who have not experienced a loss, at the doctors, or even at your loved one who is gone. Do not feel guilty about this anger. It is normal and healthy.

Allow yourself to experience your feelings.
Losing someone you love is an emotionally devastating experience. In the aftermath of loss, you may find yourself grappling with a variety of feelings. It’s very important that you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, even if it’s bad. Suppressing your feelings is not a good idea in the aftermath of loss.

Express your feelings to others.
Talking to others is very important following the loss of a loved one. Your friends and family members may not be able to provide you with direct advice, but simply having someone to listen can be cathartic. Sometimes stating your feelings out loud can help you work through them. After a loss, seek out understanding friends and family members. Express your feelings to them and seek comfort and support.

Learn to accept the death of your loved one.
This is usually the last step in the grieving process, and it means that you have learned how to live without your loved one. While you will always feel the loss, you will be able to establish a “new normal” without your loved one in the picture. Sometimes people feel guilty about being able to re-establish a normal life after the death of a loved one and believe that moving on is somehow a betrayal. However, remember that your loved one wouldn’t want you to be depressed forever. It is important that you live your life in a way that will honour the memories and gifts that your loved one gave to you before he/she died.

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Hello @sad2. What very sensible words you wrote, and so very true. Grief is the most horrendous thing that can happen to us and people will always try to tell us how it should be or how we should feel.
There will always be the people who will offer useless ‘fixes’ for us but there will also be the really genuine people that will be there for us, often from the most unexpected sources.
We can only be here on this forum for each other as we all understand the pain. I’m sure your words will help many others on here to understand the feelings they are going through, and thank you for posting.
Love and light.x

Everyone deals with grief in there own way for me it hasn’t been to bad I think because my wife had hereditary health problems most of our married lives 45yrs. Either that or it hasn’t hit me yet. When I listen to our song Whiter Shade Of Pale or look at photos I cry. Now I have bought myself some guitars as I was a musician when I met her so I’m relearning that. And also bought a car that I know she would hate and making that my hobby trying to fill my days. I have 2 dogs which have helped me as also 4mths after she passed I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer, I’ve had all the treatment now just on lifetime hormone therapy. I went through all that with not many side effects I’m sure she was with me holding my hand and giving me some of the strength she had. So now I have my car to work on during the summer and meetings in the motor club I’ve joined. Hoping also to get away with a friend later. Also go to see my cousin who lives in lake District. Gets me out of the house my wife and I lived in. We lived I think a good life starting in London in the early 70s where I was in The London Fire Brigade had a couple of moves in London then moved to West Wales I was a continental coach driver and was away most of the summer that finished after a trip to Italy when I found out I was a grandfather We then moved closer to my granddaughter in Northampton We then moved to Spain to sun worship lived in a caravan for 2yrs driving around Spain we then bought a house there had that for a few years until my wife’s health started to deteriorate. We then moved back to Northampton to be close to family we both became great grandparents 3 times over and they were with her in the end obviously pre lockdown. The message is look back at your life and remember all the good things and try and block the bad. There is life after losing a loved they wouldn’t want you to be sad they would want you to live.

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Your positivity is so nice to hear. I was always so positive. Even when things were tough, I keep going because of the strength he gave to me. We were a great team. I don’t know how to be positive any more, knowing that I can’t have him here with me is something I can’t cope with. I can’t help feeling that all of the best times of my life are gone. My joy was being with him. I do hope that I can get to the pace that you are.

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Hello Jean2
Thank you for your kind message. I’m still trying to cope but finding it so hard and crying every day. It just feels like my days are getting worse instead of better. I still can’t believe that I’ll never see him again.

“One breath at a time. One day at a time. Wake up, and be shredded. Cry for a while. Then stop crying and go about your day. You’re not okay, but you’re alive, and you will be okay, someday.”

Take care.
Joan x

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I do have bad days the night times are the worst I find me touching her side of the bed I still sleep on my side of bed. All the furniture we bought together she loved Matisse and there are prints all over the house. When I get these feelings I try and think of the happy things we did together holidays places we went and our dog’s. It’s never easy but we have to try. Not only for lost partners but for our families.

Hi Oscar
You have a great way of writing.
You are so down to earth and logical.
You plain things so well.

My dad had prostrate cancer and they inserted radioactive pellets into the affected area.
They stay there, they don’t remove them.
He became well and there was no other treatments.
I do not know how far along he was.
It was a while ago.
Maybe you could ask your doctor.
There is a chance of a complete healing if he can do that.
I wish you all the best.
Take care
Gary54

Mine has spread to the lymph nodes I’ve finished my treatment chemo and radiotherapy just on life long hormone treatment so far that seems to be working.

Oscar
I am so sorry.
May you be touched by the Holy Spirit,
God can do anything.
It’s good that your medications are helping.
Take care
Gary54

Except stop all the suffering in the world. And gives us covid to deal with and cause confusion in all religions which causes war and more suffering. If he existed he wouldn’t allow all this to happen. Sorry if that offends you but as you may have guessed I’m a non believer.

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I was raised a catholic and believed in God, but how can I now? My prayers and pleas were left unanswered.

Oscar and Sad2
Jesus said bad things would happen to us.We have to pray and turn from our wicked ways. Repent.
Jesus is aware of everything that is going on. We live in a fallen world. He knows.
He is all we have.
What do we have to lose. It’s already bad on earth.
Ignoring the creator is detrimental.
Because you don’t believe it doesn’t take away the facts.
Receive the Lord Jesus, repent and start living a better life for yourself.
God is amazing. Try it. If I can help in any way please let me know.
Gary 54

Oscar. Just wish it was so easy for everyone
Not for me. Memories are hurtful because that’s all they are. Connections you no longer have in reality. I wish I could be as positive as you but I am stuck in purgatory.

Angie joe1,Oscar.
Hi
It’s not difficult.
First put purgatory on the back burner
Try to forgive the ones who you have hurt and do it for you. If others have hurt you then forgive them in your prayers
God can give you new connections and even better ones than what you had. It happened to me…
Look at the bright side.
Not all memories are hurtful.
There are good memories don’t discard them.
I don’t want you to be stuck in this nor does God.
He will make a way for you
I will help you in any way I can
Gary54

I feel exactly the same. And I was once a Sunday School teacher!!

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