Coping with loosing dad

Losing a parent
1

1st time poster, so hello to everyone…

I lost my dad 12 weeks ago. Just before lockdown he was starting to feel unwell & only afterwards I got told that he had been unsteady on his feet (him & mum had a nack not to tell my brother & I all of the bad things. I think they still thought of us as children even though he has 3 of his own & I’m 44).

Anyway in April after another episode of feeling unwell, confusion & falling he was admitted to hospital to which we were all eventually told that he’d suffered from a stroke & this was not his first. Due to bloody Corona, as my mum puts it we were unable to visit him & could only speak to him via his phone, each time was upsetting and frustrating as I knew he was on his own & the confusion coming from him was so out of character. After various scans & antibiotics we were eventually told the news that they could do no more for him & he could either come home or be admitted into a rest bite place, as they believed he had 3 months left. He was home for 4 days before passing away.

As we all know those initial days & weeks move so fast because of the notifications & planning afterwards. But 12 weeks down the line I’m still finding ‘projects’ to do each week connected to him to take my mind off things & thought I was beginning to cope quite well until I was told by my bf that I now talk about dad in my sleep. Not that I’m sleeping much. Has anyone else found that they are doing ‘projects’?

Is it a way of coping or a way to block it all out?

I’m afraid that if it’s a way of blocking things I might crash & burn if I stop doing them.

As with 1st posts I’m sorry for the length x

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Welcome to the site, I know exactly how you feel, the only way I got through the first few weeks after my husband died, was to do all the things that I had wanted to do to the house, it helps to get you through the days, but of course you are still thinking about him and dreaming about him at night, it will get better in time, you will still have things that remind you, but you’ll be able to cope a bit better as time goes by, try and remember the good times and not dwell on how he passed, sending love xx

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Thanks for the reply @Jude28 I hope so. I just feel that sometimes I’m masking how I should really feel?
But then again everyone is different & has different ways to cope. I’m glad I found this site :+1:

1 Like
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Hi @Ham76, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I too lost my dad and since he passed ive taken up decorating, to the point I’m now decorating my mums house as mine is all done. My dad was a decorator most of his life. I do feel close to him while I’m doing that and it makes me feel a little better if only for a while.

Take care x

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Hi there @Alliecal, sorry for your loss too.
That’s how I feel too in terms of being close. It’s a nice feeling isn’t it?
It’s helping me for now and it can’t be a bad thing.

Thank you for the reply x