I recently lost my mum to cancer, I cared for her from before diagnosis after she had a nasty fall, we always clashed from the time I was a teenager, but the last 14 months we become closer than ever before. I miss her so bad, I’m trying my hardest to not be sad all the time, I got through sorting her estate like it was a breeze, I did have tears some of the way through but I did what my family do and got on with it. Now I’m coming to the end of sorting her estate I’m struggling, I have zero friends but more because I’ve never needed them, or they didn’t understand me. I work for my husbands company part time, I can go back to my old job as a took a career break, but we have a 8 month old puppy who now seems to have seperation anxiety, I feel so much is on my shoulders, feel guilty for stopping and doing nothing, feel guilty for taking time for myself, my life has always been full steam ahead. I also feel that I need to “get over” losing my mum and move forward. But I can just start crying suddenly with no warning, makes it hard as I’m not normally an emotional person so coping with this feeling of heaviness is exhausting.
I find myself worrying did I do enough for my mum, could I have done more?
Hello @CIhands,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m truly sorry to hear about the loss of your mum to cancer. From what you’ve shared, it’s clear how much you did for her - from caring for her even before diagnosis, through to managing everything after her passing.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
You have come here and shared your feelings which is brave. Sorry for your loss and how you are feeling but you will find you are not alone.
I lost my Mum 2 yrs ago in August. I was strong and the person everyone in the family looked to including my Mum. I was a nurse for many years and had promised to take care of Mum. Parkinson’s slowly took her down bit by bit and after a bad infection and 6 awful weeks in hospital I bought her home for 3 difficult but very precious weeks to die.
She wanted me to be happy and free to enjoy my life once she was gone but it completely broke me. I ran around like a headless chicken afterwards and kept busy clearing and arranging things gave me a purpose. Now all I can do is cry and remember those last few weeks. I have videos and try and keep the rest of our lives in my mind but I am so completely changed. I don’t know what I want, I cry a lot and am so full of heaviness.
I feel your pain and never thought I would find myself here. I gave up my job and now don’t feel able to find the will or want to work. I try to go away but am filled with anxiety and a strange unsettled need to get home. At home I feel I want to be some where else! I feel like I want to start walking and just not stop to wear myself out and get away, but not sure what from. All the things that used to give me joy and pleasure don’t any more.
I don’t think we are alone and it doesn’t change anything but helps to share and express it out loud XX