Coping with losing my dad

I lost my dad just over a year ago to a rare complication with a heart operation. He suffered for about 9 months and myself and my mum became his full time carers as we eventually got him home. My dad was a completely different person, he became paralysed from the neck down and suffered memory and sight loss, we had to do everything for him and I really struggled with that. I was only 19 years old at the time, he had severe brain damage and so he was a completely different person to the person I had known prior to his deterioration. I find I’m only just coming to terms with everything that’s happened and what we went through as a family and it’s all getting on top of me now. I struggle daily to not get upset at that fact that my dad isn’t here anymore and I just have to keep on going without him. It’s so hard and I find myself getting frustrated with people that don’t understand and have never been through something like this, although it’s not their fault. I don’t know anyone that has been through a similar thing to this so I find it hard to talk to people about how I’m feeling as they don’t understand. I miss my dad so much and it kills me knowing I’ll never see him again, and I just find that really hard to accept. It feels more real now that time has gone on and I just don’t know how to cope with it all, it’s the worst feeling in the world.

Hello Littlegriff05,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad. It sounds like you and your family went through such a difficult time following your dad’s operation.

It’s quite common for it to take some time to sink in, as it were, particularly as you had been his carer for some time. It is very hard and can be frustrating talking to friends or relatives who don’t understand what you’ve been through - you’re certainly not alone in that here. There was actually a conversation here recently about struggling with feelings of anger following a loss. You can read that here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/anger-0

Do keep talking to us here as we understand. This is a safe and supportive space to share how you feel.

Take care and feel free to get in touch with me if there’s anything I can do to support you.

With best wishes,
Eleanor

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