Hi
I lost my Husband last year after nursing him at home.
I thought I was doing ok .but 4 months later I’m starting to miss him more than before.
I talk to his photo and visit grave every week on my day off.
I know Covid has made life tougher for everyone but please can you give me some ideas of how you coped
Thanks
One hour, one day at a time.
I have kept everything as he left them
I keep eating and cooking same dishes. As we use to do
I have the cup of tea at same time
I say good morning and good night i talk to his picture.
I tried talking with people but they have drifted away or working or too busy. I tried to talk about him sometimes with people but they dont want to talk.
Xx
@Rainbow56. It is so hard isn’t it? I don’t really know how we keep going, but somehow we do. I have odd days when I really don’t do much but wallow in misery, then think of all the things that need doing and have a few days spurt of activity. I notice you work. I do too, and it does give some structure to the week, although many days I do not feel like going. I think the interaction at work is doing me more good than not though. My brain is starting to work again, after months of not even knowing if I still had one in my head. I am really missing our couple’s companionship and support and laughter and making plans, even cooking/decorating/gardening/watching TV, and going for walks together. There was a really funny situation at work this morning. It is the first time I have laughed like that since before my partner died last year. I was so surprised at the sound. We used to laugh and joke a lot. Some people leave things as they are, but due to circumstances beyond my control I have had to dispose of a lot of my partner’s things and clothes so the house can be sold. I have kept some sentimental items, and passed some things on to friends. I have found it therapeutic, though I realise some can’t bear to do it, and that is perfectly understandable. We are all experiencing a lot of the same emotions, but all develop our own coping mechanisms and timeframes for dealing with things. My timeframe was forced on me, but that is another story. I love the thought that a homeless/disadvantaged person somewhere may end up walking round in the clothes and shoes. As I have sorted through things it brought back memories, made me smile, and I have been totally puzzled and mystified why some things that were never likely to be used were still in drawers, cupboards or wardrobes. I have a photo that I chat away to. I ask the photo why, I apologise to it for some of the things I say and the emotions that I am going through, I also mention things to the photo as I go through the day. I know I am alone, but it helps me feel that I am not totally alone. When something is hard to do I look at the photo and say I wish you were here to help, then I try again. Unfortunately, however, no matter how many times I look at that photo for assistance I have been totally unable to open a jar of gherkins!
Hi Devi
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I’ve found takking to the photos more comforting than talking to the grave even though I visit every week.
I’m so sorry that people dont want to talk to you about your husband ,hopefully they will feel more comfortable in doing so soon.
Hope you have a lovely day x
Hi Wong
Thank you for your lovely reply.
My hubby wanted me to pass his clothes on when he was still here,I like you passed his clothes on a couple of months after he passed and take comfort that they will be useful.
I work and was really lucky that the company I work for have been amazing.its good to have the structure and other people around you.
We laughed alot too,its good that you are able to laugh with other people.
Take care and thank you again x
Rainbow hi I’m 7 months in and still struggle I had some very dark days . So whenever I start to think about the situation I find something to do like go for a walk or I did a painting by diamonds picture, because if I get started on thinking too much not about Rob but about how my life is now I start getting these dark thoughts again.
I feel so alone ,scared, angry and all the usual emotions that go with grief. I miss Rob like you wouldn’t believe but I think the most important thing at times like these is the company and companionship, and I have heard it so many times how restrictions don’t help but I can’t help thinking are they an excuse for many because if I’m honest a lot of people don’t know what to say so rather than say the wrong thing or nothing at all it’s easier for them to avoid you altogether .
The best people are those that have gone through it that’s why I posted “ just an idea” to attempt to get people to meet up after covid remembering to remain confidential when sharing your locations etc .
Take care Karen x
Hi Karen
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
It is hard and like you I try to keep busy.its comforting to know the moments I struggle with the grief is normal.
I miss my Hubby every day but I have wonderful family and friends so I’m lucky.
Take care and thank you again
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I lost my husband last month. We had been together since I was 15 years old. I wouldn’t wish him back to suffer (he died of a brain tumour) but how I miss him. I had just retired too so in some ways it’s a double whammy of change. My family are good and caring as are our friends but it doesn’t ease the ache which is like a physical pain in my chest. I still can’t believe he has gone.
Hi CB326
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I understand what you mean sometimes I come in from work and forget he isnt there.
He used to text me all the time and I miss that too.
I hope you find the pain eases and can start to slowly rebuild.
Its tiny steps.i have changed many things because I couldn’t bear to go into the shops we went in,the garage for the car.
This is all normal apparently.
On a personal level I have good and bad days.Hopefully the loss will get abit easier one day.
Take care x
Thank you so much. X
Hi
I lost the love of my life 13 months ago suddenly. I think I was in so much shock that I was in auto pilot mode to be able to arrange things, as now I couldn’t contemplate organising anything! It’s quite amazing how the body goes into that mode but now the shock is warring & reality creeps in it just gets worse, I really don’t know how I am living each day?
Hi Louvb
Thank you for your reply.
I’m so very sorry for your loss.i hope things get easier for you soon and appreciate your honesty
x
Dear Louvb
I am so sorry that you are suffering like so many of us on this site. I understand your sense of shock. I lost my husband approaching 7 months ago in a tragic accident. Was definitely on auto-pilot arranging funeral etc. My husband was an organ donor and had been for years - something he felt strongly about - so had to deal with that the day after he died. Not sure how I got through but I did. However, since Christmas the grief has been building up and I just cannot cope most days. Have slipped back to not eating or looking after myself. The reality is I really don’t care anymore. I just need my husband. Therefore just taking day by day and sometimes only hour by hour.
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Oh Shelia26
I know exactly how your feeling like not wanting to take care of yourself etc. Even though I have good family & friend support like you, all I want is my hubby back, it’s so hard
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