Coping with loss of my partner.

Hi my name is Alan,I lost my partner on the23 of may this year after 27years together,I feel totally empty, I have a son who is 24 and is feeling as lost as I am,so we’re to close to talk it just upsets us both,my son has a vast amount of friends witch I am grateful for but he is the only one I have

I can completely identify with what you say. I have four children and they range between 32 and 42. My wife died 12 weeks ago and I have seen much more of my children since. I’m not sure if that’s just happened spontaneously or whether they’ve organised things between them. I am really grateful for it. Although I’ve lived in the same town for 42 years I don’t know many people other than neighbours, as I worked elsewhere. With the benefit of hindsight I wish I’d made more of an effort but I was just happy to be with my wife. Fortunately, when I retired she persuaded me to join several different organisations and I still have some interaction with other people, some of whom have similar interests. Maybe you could look at joining something like U3A and pick a group or two that involves learning and discussion. I’m also a member of an Art Group and have painted for a number of years. I find it good therapy as I can become lost in what I’m doing. I’ve also found that walking groups can very an excellent opportunity for a range of conversations.
Going back to the children, I also find it difficult to get them to talk about their grief to me despite me introducing the subject. I’m really worried as to how it has affected them. It would be good to know I don’t need to worry.

Thank you for replying to my message i think joining groups is something I will seriously think about. In my own experience it hurts both yourself and the children to talk hopefully given time this will change.thanks again for your kind words.

Hi, Alan. I lost my husband of 45 years in the middle of March this year and I can only say that there is nothing that can prepare you for the overwhelming shock and loneliness that follows when the person you love is suddenly not there any more. The fact that we say we ‘lost’ our partner says it all. It’s totally bewildering. And it’s only a few months.

Would it help to talk to a counsellor? They can’t bring your partner back but sharing your feelings might help you to find ways to talk to your son. Cruse in my area has a friendship group which I’m thinking of joining - you may have something similar. And I’ve found this site really helpful, just to see that other people understand the pain I feel and Sue Ryder offers counselling too.

The advice for bereaved people tends to be to join local groups of whatever type of thing you may be interested in, just to keep busy and maybe in the process to find a sympathetic ear or two. We’ve got a U3a just started round here and I’ve joined several groups just so there will be the odd friendly face to say hello to. It’s hard going at times because I’m not especially outgoing but I know that I need people.

It’s hard to make a new life, which is what it amounts to, and we all need support along the way.

Thank you for your kind words Allison so sad for your loss, although it is reassuring to have contact with other people whom sadly have been put in this dreadful position,I have had one preliminary meeting with a councillor and I am waiting for sever more.i hope we both find the strength and resolve to continue forward. I appreciate you having the time to respond thank you

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