my youngest memory was when I was about 13? Maybe. My mum complaining about her knees. She got misdiagnosed by the NHS three separate times before they landed on MS, (fast progressive type, mainly her nervous system obviously) but in the space between when I was thirteen to now, I’m 18, I’ve basically watched this livley beautiful and selfless woman turn into someone I can’t recognise and I feel horrible for saying that and I don’t blame her whatsoever, I know she can’t control it. But she’s turned into this putter sad and empty husk of the person I knew, the one I yearn for. Not even just for me but for her. I want her to experience the life she was supposed to have, not one literally so shrouded in pain that she can bearly walk, use her hands. And frankly can’t use her brain. Again not her fault. None of this is. That’s what makes this worse I think. But watching your mother waste away into almost nothing, along with a whole bunch of other illnesses she has including a type of oral cancer. It takes a toll, especially when the entire household dynamic is centred around her, so it leaves no space for anyone else including my dad to actually process and vent how they feel, and it’s a pretty heavy load for everyone involved, but it genuinely feels like I’m greiving a my own mother, and relationship with her, while she’s infront of me. And it makes me feel horrible
Hello @Emrllz,
I’m Seaneen, and I can see you’re new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. I can hear how painful this is, and want you to know that you’re not alone.
It is so hard watching someone we love in pain. Are you and your dad getting any support? You might want to contact the MS Society who have support for carers and family. You might find their support for young carers page particularly helpful.
They also offer practical and emotional support by phone on 0808 800 8000.
The feelings you’re describing are called anticipatory grief, which is when we grieve someone who is still alive. We have a support page which talks you through it:
I hope these links are helpful to you. Keep reaching out, you’re not alone.
Hi @Emrllz
I’m so sorry - when I read your post I could hear your sadness. I hope you continue to post here whenever you need it. I think Seaneen also put some information about support you can get from the MS Society. Take care 
Your situation hit a cord. It’s a very sad situation especially at such a young age.I was brought up by my nan so she was like a mum and everything rolled in2 one. She developed dementia and I saw before my eyes her change. It went from her looking after me to me looking after her except I felt very fragile. I experienced terrible grief while she was still with me. It affected me terrible. Some days you just can’t cope even small changes in the beginning were like bullets to my heart. You go through a bunch of emotions sadness to frustration and this is normal. I went to support groups which helped a lot as I spoke to others and saw they felt the same. Maybe there is a ms support group in your area for both of you to attend or a carers support group.
But if someone could have give me advice it would be to still enjoy your time now. Don’t think about the past or future think of now you can still have laughs and love each other. Give extra hugs.