Hi my name is Caroline and I lost the love of my life Lee seven weeks ago today. We have been together for 33 years we were each other’s first love. I am only 51 and Lee was 52. Lee was diagnosed with cancer last September and he went through so much. Four initial rounds of chemo and then major surgery to remove the lower half of his oesophagus and entire stomach. Then four final rounds of chemo. We were told that he was completely clear but then all of a sudden he became unwell so I took him back to the hospital scans done and revealed that his liver was smothered in mets and he was given days to a few weeks. Well I got him home and we had just eleven days and he left us. I am just absolutely devastated and I’m really struggling to cope with just being here without him. Every day just passes by in a blur. I’m finding it hard to leave the house and just function in general. I’m constantly breaking down and I just don’t want to think about any kind of future that hasn’t got him in it. I’m sick of people saying it will pass it will get easier but these people have not been where I am. I just want to hear something from someone who knows and understands my pain 
Hi Caroline20,
I am so sorry you are on this path. I lost my wife 33 weeks ago. 91/2 weeks after she had been diagnosed with cancer. Sue had,had her first chemotherapy session, she collapsed at home and died about 3 hours later in hospital. I had to do cpr till the Ambulance arrived.
I hope you are trying to look after yourself, even if it’s just the basics which i know are hard eating, drinking if you are crying a lot so you don’t get dehydrated, and sleeping.
I know they are hard but you have to try. If you have support please use it. Rant or ramble on here it helps ,as i am afraid we know what you are going through. Take care
Dear Caroline20,
I’m so sorry for your loss and you had to experience it all. It’s a trauma to watch your loved hubby passed away in this way.
I just pasted my hubby’s first anniversary. I felt very down today, hence I am here again. In the past year it was not ‘getting easier’ as some people said. I have been in tears almost every day whatever I was doing or wherever I was. When I went to post some Xmas cards in the rain last Dec. I cried on the half way. A nice lady was passing by. She just gave me a huge hug. I sometimes cry for days. It is exhausting. And I am still in tears almost every day. It is so tough.
Eat while you can, sleep while you can. That is my advise.
I had stroke 8 years ago. I looked after my hubby for 9 months. He liked to stay at home with me and our dog. I only feel a wee better when recall I made him very comfy at home. He did not suffer. He died in my arms. But watching him changing from a healthy man to a skeleton is awful. We have to carry on living. There is no option. It is a hard fact. Life is just unfair.
I understand your feeling. Just like mine. Nothing makes you feel better. You just want him back. Your tears just cannot stop.
You come to this website to talk when you feel down. We all understand. And support each other. Huge hug. Xx
Hi Caroline,
I lost my wonderful husband (of almost 27yrs) 22 days ago. He had battled cancer for 16 months. He was so full of life and was desperate to live. I want to live the best life I can to honour him but I have little will to. I know it’s early days though. I’m sorry for your loss. It helps just to come on sites like this to connect with people who get it.
Take care,
Julie x
Hi Caroline
I feel your pain. My husband passed in December after chemo and radiotherapy for a rare form of bowel cancer. He was well throughout treatment but was told he would feel worse before he felt better which did happen. We had a follow up appointment in October and told he was ok to go to Spain. Scans were booked for late December. He got worse each day but we still thought it was after effects of treatment. We went to A n E on our return and he was admitted to give him intravenous antibiotics and fluids. Scans and blood tests revealed that his kidneys and liver were barely functioning. We were told on 12 th December he had only weeks to live. He passed just 5 days later before we got chance to get him home or talk about anything. I will never understand why he had no scans at the follow up appointment in October, we would have known the treatment hadn’t worked. He was so positive and it breaks my heart that he didn’t get to go on the trips we had planned. I threw myself into everything at the beginning but now I just feel lost. Can’t believe he isn’t coming back. I find myself being unable to deal rationally with the tiniest thing that goes wrong. One day I can get on with life and switch off the next I am a total disaster when it hits me like a freight truck. I wish I could say it gets easier 
The same thing happened with my partner. He had a ct scan in December surgery in February but no scan was done at all to check him. The final scan he had was July 15th and that’s the day they told us he was going to be leaving us. I’m going to apply for his medical records as am sure something is not right. How can he go seven months without a scan and also be told he was clear only to pass away. There was also other factors that need to be dealt with. All of this just doesn’t add up and this also doesn’t help my pain. Just feel he was so let down