bad day today. Haven’t slept all night. One of my children unwittingly posted a photo of my beloved on a social media site, one which was really private to us, as a family, and sentimental. Upset me terribly. She didn’t realise it would hurt me, and has now took it off. Now feel, ive taken a step backwards when i thought i was doing quite well…John
Hi John,
Your family are trying to cope with their loss too, and it’s clear from what you’ve said that they wouldn’t want to upset you in any way. It would be worth seeing if your GP practice can offer you any advice or even counselling. Presumably your wife was being treated by your local practice and they should be aware of your situation.
Perhaps friends who live nearby or neighbours would also help out on a practical level. You don’t sound ready to tackle sorting things out around the house and that’s not a priority right now. But getting out & about, even for a little while, might be beneficial, especially if you have a friend or neighbour who would provide company.
Working through this isn’t something you have to do alone and other people can be incredibly supportive, but they usually don’t know how best to help, so you need to summon up the courage to ask.
Things might feel bad today, but tomorrow they will be different. Hang on in there!
Hello folks. All the stories of your grief are very hard to contemplate. My wife Sylvia died 12 March 2017, she was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer 14 days earlier. We live in France and were here (in the UK) on a break with family so I am now faced with establishing a new life here in the UK and trying to organise closing down our life back home. Yes France is home because that’s where we lived. If we can set the scales of “luck” I’m quite lucky because my wife died quickly, she knew she was going to die and we tried our best to plan for my new future. I have read others comments and yes all the admin. stuff is very hard to do but somehow gave a structure to those early day immediately after her death, now I’m faced with admin. in my second, rather poor language, all these things just hit you so hard but at other times it’s as if I’m being callous because I can sometimes discuss my wife’s death in French without the bowel rending pain I can get at other times. We all have to face such hard choices sometimes, do I “man-up” today and see the solicitor or do I just stay in the house and cry. I have tried very hard to force a structure to my life so that if I have to do something then at least I suppose I can set-aside time for grief and time for life, I hope that makes sense to some of you. I should add I’m 66 and we had know each other for almost 50 years. I have come back up after a truly terrible couple of days, I know it will be a long time to get back to equilibrium but in my case because Sylvia was such an organised person, unlike me, she gave me her “wishlist” for my future. She had a wonderfully joyous funeral with family and friends and I will get through my wishlist but it might take a while. Yes my wife is dead, I cannot ever change that but with friends and family I do understand I will get through. Our real challenge is that family and friends are grieving too so we are all under different types of stress and emotional load, and we all fall into the well of grief at different times. I have just made a new friend who grieved some years ago, didn’t know my wife and as yet hasn’t met my family. She has been wonderful, she has dragged me out of my mysery, she has been quite clear that she will help but only when I ask. It’s not a strategy for everyone, and it can be seen as high risk but it is working so far for me. Initially I felt very disloyal to my wife but nothing will ever change the love we have (yes not had) but at my age I do need another life, Life after Life as the expression goes. Bit of an odd approach but none of us have all the answers, we wouln’t use this forum if we did. Keep doing your best and if you can, get help from whatever source. Not sure any of this helps but it’s been good for me, this was the first time I have written anything about my wonderful wife, and life, without crying into the keyboard.
Hi gl34
Sorry to read of your loved one passing so quickly, its such a hard time trying to adjust to life after. Im coming up to 66, and was married to Ann for 46yrs. She had severe Arthritis, having both hips and knees replaced, only after, being diagnosed with MND last April. She passed this April. She also new she didn’t have long, and made a wish list for me to do after. Live life to the full, find someone else, and be happy, amongst other things. Easier said then done. Family and friends say it will get easier in time for all of us, but loosing your lifetime soulmate, and coming home to an empty house, and no future ahead is…heartbreaking…Im now retired (dont know about you?) so days can be very long. I do have my kids, who are my rocks. You find help and comfort where you can, and in my case, Its my sister in law, who is helping and cooks food when i want, and has agreed to accompany me to outings to places my wife loved in the summer. They say don’t plan ahead more than a day at a time, but, its lifted me, to think i can if wanted, go out somewhere later this year… not, dreadfully, on my own. John.