Coping with the pain

I lost my wife on the 1st of November last year, she was only 48. And before her proper diagnosis in June was seemingly fit as a fiddle and had so much energy. I really feel empty and lost without her, she was the foundation I built my life around, and the one who was always there to help me in times of trouble, now I’m left with a big hole, I’ve experienced loss before but never to this extent, my heart just feels broken. I cry every day. I cared for her up until she passed away at home. The last few weeks have become a real trouble for me as she was obviously terrified of what was to come, and she shut me out. I understand why, because she used to apologise to me for what she was going through, obviously she never needed to apologise.

The problem is I feel I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye before she passed. And the weekend she did slip away, I had to tell her it’s OK to let go, and I know she’s no longer in pain. But I didn’t get to say goodbye, the weekend she passed she was very confused and restless, I know these are stages we can go through before death, but it breaks me up because our last 2 days together weren’t as either of us would want.

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Hello Howard,

I am so sorry to hear about the very recent passing of your beloved wife. It is quite understandable you feel lost and empty.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through. They are in a position to offer ways to help you cope with your pain, to offer companionship and support.

Please know we are also here for you. Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

Take care,
Online Community Team

Thank you for your message. And I do know exactly what you mean, the difficult memories are dwarfed by the good eventually.

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Sorry for your loss. I lost mine in November 2020
I just want to say, don’t beat yourself up about not saying goodbye.
Circumstances made it so.
Of course you would have if it had been possible.
Remember looking back can cause
Grieving is a process.
Things will get better.