Anybody have any coping strategies apart from talking.
Anything that helps
1 Like
Probably everyone develops some sort of coping mechanism to just make it though each day. I have found what helps me is a list for each day which I compile the night before and it contains very mundane jobs which are rather repetitive like…. Walk the dogs, shower, hoover kitchen floor ( 2 golden retrievers shed a lot of hair), also contains other stuff which is generally jobs I need to do but would forget as my brain has gone to mush ! I also make sure I have an event/outing for each day in my calendar like coffee with a friend etc. This stuff helps me focus and also get stuff done and ensures I get out of bed everyday and have some purpose in my life which is now very difficult as my purpose feels like it has just gone most of the time.
3 Likes
@Sah28 I found that getting out the house helped, it was difficult the first time but I just went a half hour walk round the town. I felt vulnerable and obvious and a bit lost. but when I got back I felt a bit of confidence. It felt like a positive experience, something I had decided on and carried out, something that was for me. It’s really early for you Sah, just take little steps. I’m sure you’re sick of hearing that but it is the best advice to give.
chatting on here does help, I found the benefits were slow to come but I’m glad I’m back here now rambling away. Thinking about what I am writing helps me to pin down my thoughts. You can also go back and read what you’ve written and it helped me to see what it is that’s going on in my head.
It is really hard in the early days, one bit of advice that worked for me was to just try things, if it didn’t help then try something else. You’re trying to express yourself now and that’s a very good start
I get up on a morning with my to do list then lay on the couch then other days I do my list
2 Likes
I live in a close community I use to love walking along the seafront seeing people talking now I avoid everyone as they ask how I am then the tears come.
I have an email in draft to him that I add to feels like I’m talking to him
3 Likes
@Sah28 Avoiding people is fine, just think of yourself for the moment. People will understand, they know you’re in a very difficult space. Sometimes I just had to do what was right for me, if that meant being a bit ignorant, then I apologised later, it was never a problem. the email sounds like a really beneficial thing to do, I keep a small notebook where I just jot things down, finished one and moving on to the next now. I never looked back in it at first, but I worked up the courage and now I’m so glad that I did. there’s actually so much in there that brings me to tears of laughter and joy as much as despair and anguish. You’re doing fine, there are no rules to this
3 Likes
Like @Betty21 I find writing a list and ticking things off helps me structure my day. I look at it first thing in the morning and it gives my day some purpose which I feel my life now lacks. I also write a journal, talking to my husband, telling him what I’ve been doing, family updates and how I’m feeling. Hope this is helpful.
4 Likes
I’ve taken up reading again. If you have a local library, it’s good to get books about grief. It can really help as well as talking to people on here. I find when I am reading, the mind gets distracted, plus the books are a great source of reading and getting through this difficult “new” life of ours. Walking is good, if you can, just a little walk each day. Then think of something to treat yourself when you get back, whether it’s a nice coffee or cake!. xx
6 Likes
Yeh i eent back to nook reading too qnd my favourite was languages of loss by sasha bates ! I read that in the early days and it helped me so much - made me realise what i was feeling was so normal for a grieving wife x
1 Like