counciling /group meetings

Hi there can anyone tell me if they have found counciling /group meetings of any kind beneficial I lost my wife last November after 43 years married in that time we always enjoyed each others company and always found something to talk about.
I am on my own except for my little dog relatives that I have got don’t want to know both relatives and friends never get in touch to find out how I am I have one nephew who texts me and calls every now and then me making all the conversation and when I mention my wife Jane seems to lose interest /change the subject etc.
Jane was always one for company trying to keep in touch with said relatives and friends me I’m perhaps a loner now looking for answers in my grief.
Did counciling /group meetings or meeting people in general help?
Kind regards MM 69

Hi. MM. Group meetings can be very helpful. You can unload among people who know. As on here. But seeing people face to face and their expressions when they talk, adds so much more to the experience of banishing loneliness. I have attended many such meetings often as visitor, and I saw how so many got so much from it. If groups are organised by a competent person then the interchange of feelings and thoughts can be rewarding. You can shed tears as others do. You can be yourself without criticism or judgement. In bereavement we all need people. ‘Going it alone’ to me is not an option. Of course, there will be many to whom loneliness is what they want. Once again, there are no set rules in grief.
I understand how many feel embarrassed when confronted by someone in grief, but the kindest thing they can do is just to be with the person and, if necessary, be silent. We have all had enough of platitudes!
I was married longer than you but that makes no difference to the pain, that at times is almost unbearable.
It’s often so difficult to find answers to what’s happened. Why?? Is asked so often and the fact is we don’t know. But it may not be so important to find out. Dealing with the present is hard enough without wondering and adding to the pain. Day by day even hour by hour is enough for the moment. Best wishes, take care.

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Hi Metalmickey, I love your little dog, he will love the extra attention that he will be getting and a great companion for you. Yes to both counselling and groups can be very useful. They both help by getting you out and with groups you meet other people who are going through the same thing as you which takes away the embarrassment. There are drop-in groups that are there just as a friendly group but both will make you feel welcome. Try one and see, if it’s not for you, what have you lost, nothing but please try. You take care and take care of that lovely little white bungle of love. S

Group stuff no good for me Mickey, but essential 121 via Sue Ryder was invaluable and accessed quickly when I needed it. It’s a video link…don’t let that put you off…you will feel your counsellor is sitting right opposite you.

SanW. I am so pleased to hear that the video link worked for you, so Micky, please try it. I have told people about it but I have not used it myself. Hope things are working out for both of you.
S

Hi MM69. I would encourage you to try group meetings and/or counseling…you will be with people who totally understand where you’re coming from as they are in similar circumstances and if you’re talking with a counselor, it’s an opportunity to offload, talk about how you’re feeling etc and you will not be judged and the subject won’t be changed…that is totally your time and it really is cathartic to just vent to a person who is there to listen.
Hope you find some positives.
Best wishes. Annette

Dear MM69, I lost my husband one year and 10 days ago, after 50 years of marriage, and like you I am on my own except for my little cat who is a great source of comfort to me. The few relatives I have and the fewer “friends” rarely bother to see if I am still alive. I still see a counsellor at the Hospice where my husband died and would not be here still if it were not for his understanding and patient listening. The Hospice also organised a series of 8 group meetings. I was hesitant about going but found it helpful to meet others who totally understand this overwhelming grief. When those meetings came to an end I asked if anyone else would like to meet for coffee occasionally and all there added their names and contact details. We have met informally at fortnightly intervals since then and they all seem to enjoy the meetings. If you have the opportunity to join a group and are lonely then give it a go because, until you try, you will never know if it will help you.
Take care xx

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I lost my husband nearly a year ago and attend a group meeting every other week. It ha’s helped me and the group that I sit with enormously. It is just so good to be able to talk to people who know exactly how you feel. We chat, we cry and even laugh together. We are now talking about meeting up for a coffee when the group isn’t on. I would highly recommend it. If you do give it a go let me know how you get on please

Counselling didn’t do anything for me but I work in a similar field so it felt odd but I was glad I tried it which is what everyone should do.

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