COUNSELLING

Has anyone tried one-to-one professional counselling? Does it help? I can’t bear the thought of the stereotype Counsellor sitting listening, nodding appropriately, asking questions and offering no solutions. Would my negative way of thought on this hinder any good that might have come of it? After 10 months I am getting worse. I have some good days and there are a lot of positives in my life at the moment but I can’t find any joy in any of them. I’m okay when I’m with someone or busy and distracted but being on my own just brings me down again immediately. I feel as though everything I try to do goes wrong and then I sink lower into a depression, I have no patience at all, my temper is raging. I want to shut myself away from everybody but I want to be with people, doesn’t make sense does it? I know that nobody can say how long this will last so I just feel in limbo. I’m so fed up feeling like this and I never, ever thought that I would feel worse now than I did a few months ago.

Hi @Eagle1
I’m going through the Sue Ryder counselling at the moment and felt the same as you to start with, I reached out very quickly for support following losing my Dad suddenly 3 months ago. I knew I needed someone to speak to and my mom had a positive experience with counselling previously. I was aware quickly I was in a really dark place and if I didn’t get help I wouldn’t get out of it.
If I’m honest the typical scenario you described does happen in sessions, but it doesn’t feel like that with the right counsellor. I feel listened to and not judged which is something I’m missing with others at the moment as the people I’m closest to are all grieving themselves in their own way. I don’t want to burden them or show them how much I’m suffering as they’re the reason I want to get better.
I’m also on medication but I completely believe in having a two pronged approach with the counselling. I hate doctors that purely think tablets solve all your problems, and although talking doesn’t change anything either, it just gave me somewhere to vent and be told what I’m experiencing is normal. At the end of the day that’s all someone can do, no one can do what we all ultimately want - to bring back the person we’ve lost. And I can say that at the beginning that’s what consumed me and stopped me helping myself.
It’s a long road, I’m far from being in a good place. I still get hit with the pain and loss every day, some days it takes over, but I use my counselling sessions as a target to get to the next week and to take the time to reflect on things I can focus on or use to help me get through.
All of what you’ve said you’re going through is normal, I’m really struggling to see people/socialise or do anything without feeling guilty which is holding me back. But I’m trying to get through each day, set targets for myself and talk about how I’m feeling whether that be with my counsellor or a journal I’ve started keeping for in between my sessions. I do fully believe it helps but I would just think of them as someone to talk to, not someone who can fix anything - at the end of the day you’re not broken, you’re going through one of the most difficult times you will ever experience and you can do that in any way you feel you need to get through it.
If you have anything specific you want to ask please feel free to message me. Don’t want to sound like I’m preaching, obviously for some people it may not be for them but I think anything is worth a shot when you’re at your lowest.
Take care
Meg

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Thank you so much Meg. That’s very helpful, I do appreciate it. All the best to you. xx

Eagle1,

I have trained as a counsellor and I an tell you, it isn’t at all like the Americans make it look. It’s more like a conversation between friends with a good amount of back and forth. They won’t suggest fixes, but rather just ask you to elaborate on points, or asking follow up questions if they haven’t understood (like a friend would if you’re rambling or ranting lol). It might be worth trying it and seeing how you go. They won’t pressure you into saying or doing anything, but they might be able to see a perspective on something you haven’t considered and be able to offer a second pair of eyes with which to view some issue or problem.

You’re also welcome to contact me on here; I lost my dad six weeks ago so I know how you’re feeling, I know that “just think happy thoughts” isn’t the answer and that everyone wants to move at their own pace.

I hope you are able to find some help or constructive outlet for your grief, we are all here for you on this site, so please reach out.

Blessings,

JLA123

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Thank you so much. It’s good to know that it may be of help and I shouldn’t think of it negatively. I’m usually a positive thinker so I think a lot of my problems are borne of frustration. I’m sorry for your loss, it’s hard isn’t it. xx

It is hard and it’s often the fact we cannot relate how and why we feel to others that’s the most frustrating part. I’m lucky (if you want to look at it that way) that I can talk with my Nan as she lost her soulmate, my Grandad last year, so we’ve gone through that together and are now going through this together.

I hope you can find someone who can give you the same help, sometimes that isn’t a close friend or relative, and that’s okay. There’s a bit of a stigma about talking to others about our problems, and we need to realize that it’s okay and healthy to do so

Blessings,

JLA123

I’m pleased that you have someone to confide in and your Nan is lucky to have you too, although under such sad circumstances. You’re right, you need to get things that are going round and round in your mind off your chest. At the moment, due to my temper and impatience (I’m not usually like that I promise) everything is coming out at full speed and often with expletives. I don’t like to say too much to my children because they are going through the same as me, losing their dad, but they still have their lives, their husbands, children, jobs, friends. Although they want to help me I won’t burden them with my problems, however, they can tell in an instant if I’m having a down day, I’m not good at hiding that. I don’t have any friends living close. I’m friendly with my neighbours but I wouldn’t dream of going into any kind of detail with them. These days I’m overwhelmed if someone still (after 10 months) asks if I’m okay. Not many do. I think that then becomes an issue because to me, if others expect me to have ‘gotten over it’ I then expect that of myself - more frustration. I should be easier on myself. It’s only since coming on this site that I’ve realised that, after months of saying it will get easier and easier, it’s not necessarily true. Maybe it just gets worse before it gets better? I’ve lost my Mum, my Dad and my only sibling and never felt so bad as I have losing my husband after over 50 years together. xx

@Eagle1 hi Eagle I lost my partner pauline on the 14th of April I’m nothing but lost and empty without her I have had 3 counselling sessions over the phone now and I think in time it might help a little so I would give it a try the counsellor is very understanding I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m talking about pauline or that it’s the only time I get to talk to someone and hear another voice as I’m totally alone now apart from our pets I’m so sorry for your loss stay safe and take care sending hugs

I’m so sorry for your loss and how you’re feeling. It gets us all doesn’t it, but at least you are doing something that may help given time. I haven’t taken that step but haven’t ruled it out, I’ve only heard positive comments so far so maybe I will. I agree with you that sometimes you don’t hear another voice. Given that I’m of the older generation it never has been natural for me to text, email, Facebook etc. everyone all the time, however, it seems that I’m doing that more and more. I don’t really like speaking on the phone and prefer face to face but even that has been difficult for us all lately hasn’t it. Maybe things will soon get better in that respect. I have no trouble speaking to strangers (unless I have a down day and then I don’t want to interact with anyone) but if I do, on a rare occasion, go to the shops I find I can have a little exchange with someone and that brightens me up no end. They don’t know what’s happened to me so I don’t mention it and the conversation is more upbeat as a result. It’s good to have an outlet, either forums or counselling, but we must get away from that occasionally for our own sanity. All the best xx

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