Counselling

Hello.
I list my dad in October and it hurts like hell.
It was very very sudden and very unexpected.
Ive had 4 werks of counselling, but she said i don’t focus enough on me, but i never focus on me. I’m sfar down the list.
In my last session it made me doubt my marriage, being with my family, my husband and my boys- 15 and 10.
Are they better without me?
Am I just hurtthem because I’m hurting?
I come back really upset and detatched, questioning everything.
Is it too early?
Feel super alone. In a dungeon with huge walls and no way out.
Is this normal.
I don’t know where to turn or what to do.
I can’t go to his grave, i don’t want him to be there; I was super close to him, I miss him beyond words, i want him back.
I want some guidance, some sleep, some understanding and some normal.
I feel so so lonely, my husband has his dad, i don’t, he can’t understand. I don’t want to upset mum more, and I’m not close to my sister. Im doing a duck impression- looking ok, but paddling like a loon!
Please help xx

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so sorry you lost your dear dad. when I lost mine, I was collapsing. it was like being stuck by a 2x4 piece of wood and left for dead. I loved my dad. he took care of me. I was an only child. all I can say is grief is a long, long journey. take it ONE DAY at a time. it is the only way. trouble is people think you can avoid grief but no you cannot. you must travel the process whether you like it or not. but one day, in a few years, things will be easier. it takes years when the loss is great. just remember one day at a time. :heartpulse:

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Thank you. How did you get through the day to day? Family life, love, those you are there to support? I feel so detached and so alone.
Did you have counselling? How soon? Did it help?

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yes I had counseling. very soon after as it meant being in the hands of people who are skilled in dealing with people like me in great emotional distress. losing parents, family, is natural but it does not mean it is easy. I also went to grief support classes where I could openly mourn and that was o.k. we all cried in that class as I did in counseling. it helped a lot as the monitors and counselors knew how to help and handle us. I highly recommend it. also a safe place to release some terrible big emotions.