My heart goes out to all of you, I lost my mum in April to covid and was not allowed to be with her or attend her funeral (people almost think I’ve made it up but our county either allowed a cremation chapel service with no attendees or an outside spoken service and no streaming) we chose an inside chapel service so that it could be streamed for all the family. I admit that it has nearly floored me, I had been caring for my mum for nearly 18 years and I had not envisaged an end like this. If I listed everything from 2020 it would sound like someone over dramatising. I am hanging on cos I have a wonderful husband and two sons + their partners and a grandchild they keep me going.
The vaccine gives me hope that by April we will be able to resume some better quality of life, my god I miss those hugs. 2020 can just go do one, it has brought so much pain to everyone. I have experienced two very unpleasant reactions to covid one in public and one on facebook and find it unbelievable that anyone could be so immensely cruel to people who are grieving so deeply, I take heart that all others even complete strangers have been so kind, when I’ve broken down and cried in shops over Christmas cards entitled ‘to my mum and dad’ they have been so nice. I had never really thought about how many people you meet in daily life are grieving in normal circumstances, add to that all the Covid grief there are so many people trying to pick themselves up and carry on. I have taken to thanking people for random acts of kindness and explaining that when so many people are grieving just a little kindness means so much. I write things like the following to let out some of the pain, just do whatever helps you everyone’s grief is different but very debilitating. I send virtual hugs to you all and hope that 2021 will improve for all of us.
I THINK OF YOU (for my wonderful loving parents)
I think of you and all that love, I wonder where you’ve gone
I think of you and all those hugs, How will I carry on?
But then I think of both of you, And what you both went through
Despite it all and with much love, Your care for us just grew.
And still I’m lucky to have love, I hold it close to me
And hope that no one knows my pain, That it’s not plain to see.
Maybe I’ve loved you both too much
And oh my heart just weeps
But mum and dad don’t change for me
Rest gentle in your sleep
No way could you have given more, Your best more than enough
I love you both, I think you know, But losing you is tough.