Hello Gary
Your invitation from the minister of your church may well be a blessing for you right now. If you’re feeling open to visitors that is. I know I didn’t want to see ministers from church for weeks after my husband’s death, and I knew them personally. I don’t know why really , I wasn’t against God quite the opposite, I was drawing nearer to him but just needed to be alone in my grief, whilst praying and listening to Christian programmes. I am feeling stronger and more positive about my future knowing my husband will be waiting for me in Heaven. It is a suffering world but it will all be made right when Jesus returns. That’s what I pray and hope for soon. Until then, we all can connect and comfort each other and find a way through this. Hold you and all who read this in my prayers
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Hello Anita,
The whys and the sorrow are very familiar to me. I keep praying and leaning more on God and trust that He will make a way forward for us. Believing in Heaven and reunion with loved ones is our strength and Joy, yes I said Joy. We can afford ourselves to feel happy even through the grief. It won’t be forever, time on earth does by so quickly. We are journeying on this earth until we reach our final home.
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Hello Alicia 2
Yes I going to take it up and make appointment to see the priest this week or next week it’s been over fifty years since I been church to pray so I going to try and pluck up courage, but I not hardly been outside house for 5 weeks apart from going to Tesco’s early in the morning knowing there’s not many people around because I can’t face anybody at the moment I holed up in bedroom,as it safe room to me wish someone would pinch me and I could wake up from this nightmare.
Thanks for words
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@Garysc2
I am 7 months into the grief rollercoaster.After my husband died suddenly from a heart attack. I don’t go out of the house for 2 months after my husband died . Apart from going to solicitors and funeral directors ect Then I went with my son and daughter in law . I wanted to hid away from the world. After 2 months I had to give myself a kick up the back side . As I couldn’t live like a hermit. You will get there . Look after your self
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Hi Alicia2, Yes, time on earth goes by quickly when you are happy, the 35 years with my husband seem to have gone by like water, but the past 2 months since he died feel like such a long time, the pain has been unbearable at times. I pray God will shorten these awful days of pain! I look forward to going home
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Hi Gary,
It’s baby steps and patience. Something I lack I’m afraid. I can’t face friends at moment, nearly 4 months now. We only ever talked about holidays and as mine was ruined I just can’t relive it all now. I go to great lengths avoiding neighbours as well, apparently is symptom of trauma., a neurological response. I was given a website to look at from psychologist called Melo Cymru. It’s a Welsh website, as that’s where I live, but prob one in England similar. It did help me to validate my symptoms and that I’m not going mad. I’m not rushing things. I’ve got helpline if I feel worse but I don’t. I’m slowly getting better but not where I need to be. I’m on waiting list for therapy for PTSD l. I am going out walking mainly and gardening, and meeting up with family. I don’t know how I would cope without my faith if I’m honest. It helps when I think of our future in heaven. God is love and we are his children. Bible says you can recognise Gods children by their love. Your love is deep and shows you are in His family. You can’t go wrong accepting minister to call. I think it’s a sign God is reaching out to you. I pray it goes well for you
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Hi Alicia
I have always had a bible beside my bed which I have a read a paragraph now and again .
I still find it hard to believe that we talked, watch tv normal Saturday night and in the morning she passed it’s like turning a light switch off, still find it hard to get my head around it, always welling up with flashbacks of giving cpr and ambulance crew with there shock machine and me watching helpless and the 2 hours sat with her waiting for the private ambulance and I remember saying to her wake up, life so hard at the moment.
Thanks for kind words
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Ho Gary,
Yes, that’s what we both struggle with, seeing our loved one suddenly die and receiving CPR. I was giving rescue breathing for over 30 mins with Dr who was off duty. We were in foreign land, but the time an ambulance arrived it was too late., and they involved the police. I recall saying to my husband, not to give up and to fight for his life. I was praying Jesus over him. We battled for over 40 mins before he was pronounced dead. He never went to hospital, straight to mortuary. The shock and disbelief is still with me and my family. Thought I’d draw a line under crying recently but found myself getting upset again earlier. My one daughter had a bad day thinking about her dad and that upset me, I have to keep going for the family, it would be devastating for them if anything happened to me now. I rang them abroad to tell them their dad died. The shock devastating for them and my grandchildren. Both parents go on a holiday and the one doesn’t come back. I couldn’t understand why God would allow my husband’s death to have such a traumatic affect on us. Why now? Why couldn’t he die at home? Where I would have been with my family? Why an accident? Why did God allow it? Why didn’t we get a warning or divine intervention? I still struggle with these questions but understand we won’t necessarily know all the answers, so I try not to think about the why’s now and just accept it.
It’s not a coincidence you have a bible beside your bed, I’d like to ask a question, How would you feel if you really knew God and Heaven is real? Would it help your grieving? You don’t have to answer. That’s a question for anyone who is reading
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@Alicia2
I was also on holiday when my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. I wasn’t abroad, I was in Scotland in a holiday cottage . The police were involved we had to do witness statements. I asked my self the same questions as you. The shock and flashbacks are hard to deal with. My flashbacks stopped a while back . Look after yourself
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Hi Alicia
Yes I do believe God and Heaven but would it help with my grieving no I just wonder why she was taken so quickly from me I do think she’s looking down on me and she be on Jesus arm to welcome me when my turn arrives.
Gary
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Hi Gary,
A heartfelt sympathy card I received just simply said, “there are no words” His wife died over time with terminal illness. But there are Gods words, which helps give me strength. I watched a you tube podcast title “what about grief? How to trust God when you don’t understand by Tim Challies episode 168. He is a Christian and lost his son some time ago. He talks about the character of God and other support to navigate the grieving process. He’s written a book. It might be something you may feel you can watch. It makes me realise that I need to lean on and trust God to direct my path. I see grief as a path to navigate. I want to do it well for the sake of my family and my husband would want me to do this. It’s not helping me to be sad all the time. My husband wouldn’t want that for me, after all in heaven he’s having a big party now with all his loved ones who have died. That’s the image that helps me. Imagine, heaven where there is no sorrow or pain, pure joy
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Hello everyone.
Another hard day shopping at 6.am just to avoid people I know , I am physically exhausted, no motivation, Just don’t know what to do with myself, apart from going to bed. Things I should be doing putting off till tomorrow and when tomorrow comes put it off again. Try and pluck up courage to make some phone calls.
Thanks for kind words
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Hi Gary, Sorry to hear you are struggling today. Grief is indeed exhausting and energy draining. How I have managed to sort out a lot of the paperwork and tasks following my husband’s death has been to focus on doing ONE thing per day. Only if I feel well do I look later at the to do list. If not, it will wait until tomorrow. But by doing at least one thing per day things have moved along. I also feel like I am doing this for my husband, as something he would have wanted me to deal with so that gives me energy to carry some those tasks through. Sending you a big hug and hope you can find some moments of calm today
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Dear Gary,
the situation we’re in is absolutely traumatizing, about the most horrifying experience ever.
Contradicting emotions are swirling in one’s mind.
It’s normal to be feeling drained and unmotivated to do anything.
Please take care of yourself and do, as @Anita_66 proposed, just one thing per day.
Sometimes phone calls are too hard, maybe you could also settle some issues per E-Mail.
Sending strength your way…
Kind regards - Joe
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I am sorry you’re having a difficult day , grief is so exhausting. As @Anita_66 has said just focus on one thing per day .Sending you a hug 
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Hi everyone
Yeh definitely bad day in bed with hot water bottles had enough another day wasted but can’t do much about it will try do more tomorrow.
Thank you for kind words and support it does help.
Gary
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Hi. Sorry for your loss. I’m seven months in and I still have my partner’s belongings in the wardrobe, his shaving gear is still there in the en suite, his phones still on the worktop. I’ve moved things only for a tidy up or to dust. I know I ll have to tackle it sometime, just not now. I have started to shred his paperwork and that is really hard. I just don’t want strangers going through it as I may lose the house. I can only do a little at a time, it’s heartbreaking. Your feelings are normal be kind to yourself. Take care.
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It’s trauma in your nervous system. I think different therapies can address it. I do a type of body/mind therapy via zoom and have since my husband passed. I think most people need something to process it. Not sure how effective talk therapy is for certain types of trauma.
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I think our consciousness survives bodily death, even our personalities do, but I still struggle a lot. Maybe we’re here to struggle and grow through difficult times, evolve, whatever we call it. But, I struggle even w/that idea. Why some people’s lives are so absolutely difficult. Not just people, but animals, the amount of suffering everywhere, at different levels, is hard to wrap my head around.
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Hello everybody once again
It’s not got easier since I posted last time only thing that’s happened is had my first session of therapy for my extreme grief did it help don’t know sessions once a week Fridays, still holed up in my bedroom safe place for me and made a memorial for her ashes which I received on Thursday gives me a little comfort so what’s next I don’t know.
X
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