@Kirsty79 how are you doing just now? Are you keeping ok? x
@christine51 just letting you know I’m thinking of you and missing you 
x
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Evening all.
I never seen to have anything interesting to report!
Neil, love the photos and love how you go on your trips. Especially around London. Must be quite amazing. I watched a few things in London when I was younger as did A level English. I remember seeing a streetcar named desire at the Haymarket. Jessica Lange was in it and she was good. Was mostly Shakespeare’s plays we saw though and another one was by Brecht but that was a bit odd. Can’t remember the theatre we went to for that but it was quite new at the time if I remember right right.
Nick, I lived in Germany for a couple of years when I was younger as my dad was in the navy and we he was posted there. I can’t remember too much about it though. I don’t think we went off base too much.
I hope everyone else is as ok as can be.
Sending lots of love,
Nic xxx
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Hi Nic
Streetcar Named Desire set to reopen in the West End again soon! Theatre and cultural events is my happy place. I’m just about to go online and book something else shortly so will speak again soon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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That’s some exciting theatre trips done and on the cards @NEILB72 I’d love to see Matthew Modine, bet he has great presence.
@Nick22 we used to have a fox that visited the garden everyday for over eight years, we called him Ted. Mum would make him jam sandwiches. We never petted him but he would meet us as we walked up the garden to look in the dish to see what we had for him. During cub season he would trot off with sandwiches in his mouth , back to Mrs Ted and the cubs. He brought the cubs tp visit latter and they would come and play in the garden. One of the cubs was born without a tail and was the strangest but cutest looking thing. After Ted passed his cubs came for a while but eventually we got no more visits, a mix of people killing foxes and building on the village outskirts disturbing their home. I miss them
@Kirsty79 how are you doing? You have so much to deal with, please be gentle with yourself and I hope you find here a helpful place to open up and get support
@christine51 how are you, you are quiet lately and I miss your updates. I have a full table of crocheted picnic food now! Also finished my big blanket. Hoping to get back into Matilda soon. I went in the other day and it smelled a bit damp. She needs a good airing and heat.
Have been in the garden a little, cutting back more of my jungle!
Its the 11 month anniversary for Mum tomorrow. My mind is doing a lot of wandering to this time last year and worries of the future and the year anniversary etc. One thing though, I have found my mind allowing me to remember better times from those last weeks and not just the hellish moments. There were times of cuddles, mum watching funny movies etc and I seem to be able to think of them too and not just the stressed and horrid moments.
wishing everyone well
Beki xx
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Hi Suzanne
Sorry only just seen your post. There are loads of new shows opening in the coming weeks/months so will keep you posted on anything good .
Bought a cheeky rush ticket for £10 at the National Theatre this afternoon for the play Phaedra starring Janet McTeer . Was due to see it in a couple of weeks but the tkts were cheaper for next week so snapped up a great bargain in the stalls Row F. Not bad! So two shows next week but probably none for three weeks after .
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hello Suzanne30``, I did write something yesterday, but something must have gone wrong. - (Perhaps I forgot to send it?)
So, take two. I did grow up in Hamburg, but do not think of myself as a typical German, Hamburger yes - haha. I am partial Swedish and some part Danish …?, complicated!. (I wish I had asked more questions when I was young!) - We did live in Holland for a while in the 60s. I then followed my brother to England in the 70s. Spent some time in Germany again, and then moved to England permanently. - I know more about England than Germany.
I had to postpone my haircut gain today because I needed the time to make some progress selling my house. - I then invited my neighbour to a cup tea and a piece of cake at the local charity shop. - No plans for the weekends so far. - I have to have some more blood tests on Monday. - The hair cut has to wait again, but I have the phone number now.
What did you think of Cologne and Bonn? - I hope you will not be disappointed of Berlin when you visit one day.
Nice to talk to you again. – How are you doing, are you OK?
Nick
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Hi, I thought you might like to look at some more photos.
Framlingham Castle, Framlingham, Suffolk, East of England
- Clash of the Knights: 03/08/2013
GPS-Lat/Long: 52.224,1.3465
English Heritage: Clash of Knights at Framlingham Castle | English Heritage
Nick
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Hi Nick.
I can see you wrote your post 3 days ago. That must have been just before I’d had some problems and didn’t log in so missed it. I can see you’ve posted some lovely pictures so will take a look as I work my way down the page.
I hope you’ve turned a corner for a bit as I can see you had felt low when you’d written the post. Grief is full of winding twists and bends and its utterly soul destroying some days.
I don’t know whether to call it aloneness/loneliness but it’s been a struggle today. Hope you’ve done better.
I’m going to check on my Shepsky, (it’s actually a German Shepherd crossed with a Siberian Husky). It’s gone quiet and whilst silence is golden as the adage goes, that doesn’t apply to dog’s because it normally spells trouble!) I notice you have two cats. I had many, growing up but as an adult have have 2 German Shepherds and our present Shepsky. Pets are such a comfort aren’t they.)
Warm regards xx
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Hi Neil
That looks quite a grand theatre. I admire you for finding your way round all those places and venue’s. I’m really unsure of myself now. I’d be running across train platforms in busy stations at nearly midnight before I lost my Husband but that confidence has gone, so good on you.
Just seen a snippet saying many if the soaps have been cancelled next week, don’t know why as I haven’t read it but it best not be down to your football haha!
Hope your weekend goes ok Neil.
Tina xx
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Lovely photos Nick so serene. Are they your handiwork?
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Like the photo Suzanne. You had the run of the place by the look of it!
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Hi Tina
I’m afraid it is football on Wed. The good news is its my team West Ham playing Man Utd in the cup. We actually won today as well 4-0 which was a turn up the way we have been playing . I have two plays and an art exhibition on Mon/Wed. I brought one play forward a week as the tickets yesterday were for £10 in the Friday Rush first come first served. Got a bargain once more.
This will certainly help next week as its my parents wedding anniversary and that will be difficult so seeing my shows keeps me in a better place.
Hope you have a peaceful evening
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Neil
You’ve got a lot to answer for you blokes and your footie! Still, glad your team won. Sorry about your friend having his treatment cancelled. I can imagine how he must have felt about it…
Glad to hear you’ve got some tickets for next week to see you through another difficult date. The calendar seems full of them doesn’t it.
Love and warm wishes xx
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Hi Christine
Just saying hello and hope you are managing.
I wish I had something uplifting and cheery to tell you (but then everyone would faint with the shock!)
Nonetheless, thinking of you and hope you are sat with a brew with your feet up by the fire browsing a lovely seed catalogue with Porsche close by,
xx
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Hi Beki, from what I read, eight years is a long time for a fox, 3 year is suppose to be average. (?) It is important to feed the foxes where I live, a disease has killed all the rabbits. - I feed two foxes every day. One of the them even came into the house one day. I had the front door open and his body was in the hall, just one hind leg and his tail were still outside. The other one looks younger and is still frightened. - My cat Fluffy loves foxes, and she even sleeps with them in the garden. She often smells of fox too. - My brother’s fox (the one in the photos) used to visit him for several years. She even took the food from my brother’s hand. - I did read that foxes that get fed by us, can live a longer. They do not have to compete with the others. If we do not feed them, an injured fox cannot compete with the others and have to starve. - I put out a tin of dog food and one dog sausage, plus the rest of the cat food every day. - I would love to cuddle one of them. - (Sadly, we also have some bastards here, poisoning foxes in the park.) - Could not find the old kitten photos but found a copy on my old flickr account and will upload them soon. - I wish you a pleasant weekend, or what is left of it, Nick.
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Hi Tina19, I think most of the photos have been taken by my brother. - (He had a slightly different style, and I often prefore his photos.)
Sorry, I did forget to add a link for the rest of the photos.
If you like, you can have a look at all 50 of them here: England's Regions / East of England / Suffolk / Framlingham Castle | England's-Heritage Photos
You can run a slide show by clicking the first photo and then on the camera top left.
Nick
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Hi Tina,
I’m really not doing great at all. I feel so alone without mam. I miss her so much. I just really want to be with her.
Creating my textiles, swimming etc is just a distraction and has come to an end. I have no energy. I couldn’t even go swimming with my niece and little nephew this weekend.
Just caught up on all the posts. In tears again. I feel so desperately unhappy and can’t shake it off. Nothing has happened but I think the isolation and throwing myself into my work has taken it’s toll. My therapist tells me some people thrive on being alone and are highly productive. I am but can’t keep it up.
Porsch is doing well and being as demanding as ever. I keep checking to see that she hasn’t died. When she leaves me I’ll have no reason to not be with mam. I have no oomph left to keep going and have watched films in bed all day and slept most of yesterday. I have piles of work to be doing, simply stuff like hand embroidering the signatures of those ready to be finished. But I can’t push myself to do anything. It’s been a huge effort just posting this but I feel awful when I leave it for ages.
I keep thinking that when I die there’ll be nobody to miss me. I feel so cut off from the world. I’m so unhappy but can’t make it better. I just want mam back and for it to have never happened.
Lots of love to all and I’m so sorry for not welcoming the newbies to our group s I usually would. I keep thinking I’ll turn a corner but each day is the same. I don’t see the point in anything I do to fill in the day. But if I wasn’t here I wouldn’t be able to feed the fox and it would be hungry. Off to do that now.
Sorry I’m so sad. I keep waiting to feel something, anything, apart from this deep sadness.
Lots of love xxx
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Hello Christine
You don’t sound in a great place right now but do you know something, the 2nd year can be worse than the first year. You wonder how that can be true but it is. Not for everyone of course but I noticed it with my Husband as well. There’s a lot of different emotions to contend with that you think you must have experienced in the earlier months but in reality you really haven’t. The sadness seems a bit deeper and the aloneness more acute. I understand a bit because I’ve had quite a few tearful days and to be brutally honest have thought several times (and still do) that if breathing was something I had to do for myself I don’t think I’d make the effort to. I just think I can’t do it, I don’t feel confident in my ability to function in society and I really, really don’t want to go out and be amongst people. I do the hobbies but my heart isn’t in it because of what is missing from all our lives. Some hobbies I can’t even do as it reminds me of Mum and I keep remembering bits that must have been suppressed up to now. The change of season too emphasizes things as well doesn’t it and there always seems to be a difficult significant date looming. In the shops I saw some Valentine’s cards and they didn’t really affect me as my Husband and I didn’t make a big deal of it, but then I saw the Mothers Day stuff and that did hit me hard.
I also understand that you are worrying about Porsche not being with you and I can empathize because I’ve started thinking the same about Zoe. I know they aren’t the same age but the feeling is similar. The world just doesn’t seem as solid as it used to be and that also feels scary and it definitely makes me feel panicky.
I hope I haven’t upset you further. I just wanted you to know that I empathize with you and that there is somebody else out there that’s also finding this 2nd year really hard.
You are a very warm and welcoming person, always sharing your uplifting photos and chatting about things and anyone new here will know that so try not to worry about that.
I can’t remember which person said this, maybe it was Debbie, but it was that when you get immersed in these feelings you really don’t think there’s a way out of it but somehow we can find it. Even if it’s just for a bit at a time.
If you feel you can’t get out of bed then just rest till you can. I know you are a “do-er” and it’s not your thing to letting the day pass but maybe it’s what your body needs. The strain from grieving takes such a toll on the body.
I’ll sign off for now but again just wanted to say that I hope I haven’t been too “honest” and upset you further, I just wanted to offer you some understanding and empathy.
Tomorrow hopefully will bring a bit of respite. Maybe not for all day, or even for more than a few hours, but just for a bit.
I’ll say hello again later, just keep going as best as you are able.
Thinking of you. xx
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It’s lovely to hear from your @christine51, I am sorry your having such a hard time. The second year can be harder than the first, reality hits they are not coming back. I know you having counseling but have you thought about grief bereavement counseling you could do it with Sue Ryder without leaving the safety of your home.
I’m glad Porscha has picked up, but your worrying yourself unnecessary by keep checking her breathing. You really need to keep up your swimming it gives you purpose and helps the day go by quicker. You need a daily plan just doing a bit of textiles then a break, cuppa and chocolate, and not going all out and wearing yourself out.
And as for missing you, we all would, as you were the person that brought us together. 
The nights are starting to get longer, spring is around the corner and you will be able to get out in the garden again. Your happy place where your close to your mum.
My garden is springing to life, I have snowdrops, crocuses and iris all in flower, my daffodils are starting to flower too. My forsythia is slowing blossoming, and today I saw a pair of blue tit’s getting bugs off the roses. Also thought I had lost all my fish to the heron last year, but today I spied a baby fish, so there are probably more in the pond.
We have messy church again this week, and I am getting the children to decorate flower pots and I have got them some viola’s to plant in them, so they can take them home to look after them.
When you feel up to it post some more photos of your garden, every season in the garden is interesting, I especially love spring a positive season of new life.
I’ll speak to you again soon. I know you don’t feel like it but keep positive for us.
Lots of love
Debbie X X
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