I find myself bursting in tears today, at various moments.
Yesterday was a month since my sister passed. There’s still things to do as in her house etc
I’m the youngest sibling. She was someone who I always looked up to, always held a special place in my heart. I still can’t believe she has gone.
I can’t talk to my Parents about it as I do not want them to worry or get upset themselves. I can’t talk to my other two second or third sibling because I just don’t think they can understand. Me and my eldest sister had that kind of bond where we could pick up where we left up from, there was no animosity if we didn’t speak, we never fought, I usually followed her in every aspect of life whether it was booking a holiday, getting the house done up I.e out bedroom which we once shared and just generally like that.
I feel so broken I can only come on here. Wiping the tears as I write this trying to hold it together so my family also don’t see.
I’ve thought maybe a change of scenery might help me so I am thinking of going away maybe after Easter to gain some perspective and get strong…any views/advice is most welcome, thanks
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I’m sorry you feel like you can’t lean on your parents or siblings, @111177. I’m giving your thread a gentle bump - you don’t have to go through this alone.
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I’m sorry to read you are having to go through this feeling you have to hide your grief from your family.
I lost my wife last week and have decided not to try to stop the tears when they need to come. I posted the other day that I burst into tears in the vets, and got a big, genuine, hug from our vet.
Crying isn’t weakness.
There is lots of kindness and support here. I hope you find it helps, it certainly does help me.
Maybe try an in person support group. I went to one this week (a Sue Ryder organised one) and found a bunch of lovely welcoming people. Everyone there will have been through the same as us.
Thinking of you and sending hugs
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Thank you so much for your kind words.
Yes I’m talking to people but I think the waves are coming because of the overwhelming feeling I have kept a lid on for so long.
From caring for my sister for 7 months, to keeping her positive with fighting talk and then to see images of her last days replay in my mind, it’s been a shock to the core.
I will see what support groups are out there. This forum has been so supportive so far so I’m grateful for the kindness of others, thank you 
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